5 Things I’m Not Responsible For AND NEITHER ARE YOU!

responsible

Happy Wednesday Friends! Over the last few months, I have been doing a lot of heart work, as if you couldn’t tell!!! One of the things that I have had to do was a bunch of reality checks. And A lot of those had to do with unrealistic expectations either I had or ones that others had for me. More often than not though it was one that I had embraced over time, you know the ones. The ones you fight at first but you become so worn down over time then all of a sudden you are like whoa what happened?

That’s where I was when I realized that I had taken on a whole bunch of responsibilities that were just plain and simple NOT mine.

So here are the 5 responsibilities that aren’t mine to have

  1. I’m not responsible for people’s life decisions!- I can lead them to the truth. I can teach them but at the end of the day if they don’t follow what I have taught it’s not my responsibility and I’m not going to be held accountable for their decisions. (even if they seem to think I am.)
  2. I’m not responsible for others’ relationships with God- This includes my children, my hubby, the people in my church, and my friends. The old adage of ” you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink” comes to mind. Interestingly enough we have to go no further than Jesus t see this is true. Not only did Jesus teach truth, but he also lived and breathed it. Jesus is TRUTH. But not everyone he taught embraced that truth. JUDAS. Was it Jesus’ responsibility to make sure that Judas obeyed the TRUTH? Nope. That is, drumroll, please…JUDAS’S RESPONSIBILITY!! No Joke! We live in a world where we don’t like to take personal responsibility for our actions. We can come up with a million different ways to make it someone else’s fault. Our circumstances may be rooted in other people’s choices BUT what we do with them- THAT’S our responsibility. How we choose to respond, both in action or with words- our choices related to our circumstancences= our responsibility.
  3. I’m not responsible for someone else’s bad attitude. That piggybacks off #2. Their attitude is their choice. I cannot make someone have a good attitude. I can lead them or encourage them to change it but at the end of the day, THEY have a choice to make not me.
  4. I’m not responsible for when someone gets angry and loses their self-control. I’m not responsible for other people’s sins. Someone’s actions do not warrant a lack of self-control. whether to myself or to someone else. Once upon a time, I was told if I did something, someone would harm themself. That is mental/emotional abuse. It is a manipulation tactic that worked. I lived in fear of that person and what they might do. I was in an ongoing game of mental chess. I lived in a constant cycle of “if I do this then they might do this”. As our pastor says “That’s a game you will never win. If they chose to do something that’s their choice and I am not responsible for it.
  5. I am not responsible to fix other people’s sins. Following Jesus is costly, and if someone wants to do so they much chose that hard path. BUT I can’t do it for them. I can give suggestions but I can’t do it for them.

BONUS

I’m not responsible for carrying on relationships. For decades I have felt the need to carry on relationships. I have friends that I have always been the first ones to always text or call. I also have had relationships in my life that will call to ask how I’m doing ad then cut me off just to talk for an hour about their lives and if I get a chance to talk it’s “oh I gotta let you go.” Talk about a complex inducing what is wrong with me scenario. For a long time, I felt really guilty that I wasn’t a good enough friend because they didn’t check in on me or they would get offended when I didn’t check in. the reality is it is NOT my responsibility to carry the weight of relationships. I need to let go of that guilt that comes from passive-aggressive comments whether in person or on social media.

What happened as I have let go

As I have grown and learned and been counseled over the last few months I have come to realize I am not alone in these struggles. That brought so much freedom. There was a release and a huge sense of peace I didn’t expect to experience. I felt as though I was being crushed by invisible weights. Every responsibility I was trying to carry made me feel like a failure. Of course, I was going to feel like a failure because I was trying to do something that wasn’t for me to do. It was more than a feeling I WAS failing. I was failing at being Suzy because I’m not Suzy. I can never be Suzy. Only Suzy can be Suzy. I can only be Mary. When I stopped trying to be Suzy for Suzy I was set free from failing to be Suzy! (Funny how that works)

I am still growing in my understanding of what I am not responsible for. It’s a journey. I hope that my journey ad what I have learned helps give you freedom from unrealistic expectations, whether it is self-placed or placed on you by someone in your life.

Now it’s your turn: What are you NOT Responsible for?

What are some things you are holding onto that aren’t your responsibilities? Have you let go of them? How did you do it if you did or what should your next steps be?

Thanks so much for joining me on this journey feel free to check out last Wednesday’s post Truth is I’m Not Who You Think I am

Truth Is: I’m Not Who You Think I Am

Truth

Happy Wednesday friends. today’s post was born out of an interaction I had a few weekends ago. At one point in the interaction, the woman told me “You can’t handle the truth about who you are.”

OUCH! I was devastated. The problem is this woman didn’t know me. She made some assumptions based on who I was married to or better yet what he did as a job. AND that I confronted some poor behavior. She had met me for a whopping 30 minutes. Along with some texting interactions.

There is no way she could really know who I was in that short interaction.

The Problem and the reality is MANY people make assumptions about pastors and Pastor’s Wives. More importantly, though we as pastors’ wives need to stop drinking in the pressure and the lies peole put on us.

Truth is:

  1. I’m not a religious leader. I’m a woman married to a pastor. I love Jesus and yes I am a leader. That is part of who God made me. AND over the last number of months when my husband wasn’t a pastor I was still a leader.
  2. I am an imperfect leader. I make mistakes and wrong choices and sometimes (GASP) I sin. But I’m not defined by it. There is the underlying idea that pastors and wives are these superhuman beings who never sin. They are supposed to be these super-spiritual people who are at least supposed to look and behave immaculately in public. WRONG. If that is what we are looking for we will always be disappointed. this is aimed just as much at me as it is to those who think that way of me….because perfectionism is just as much of a struggle for me for myself. I am a recovering people pleaser.
  3. Counseling wasn’t meant to be used as a weapon toward other people. It’s meant to help the person grow not as ammunition.
  4. I want to stand for what is right and make Jesus forefront. I don’t want anything to be all about me.
  5. I can’t give what I don’t have. This is twofold. (1) In the case of this woman, she insisted I was withholding information that I didn’t have. And because she laid the accusation I felt intense guilt. Guilt that wasn’t mine to have. (2). Pastor’s families cannot fill every void in the church or other people’s lives. We have just as many jours in the day as everyone else. Sometimes we have less energy. You can only pour out so much.
  6. I don’t know what to do when I get a verbal tongue lashing. , so I clam up. I won’t argue I won’t fight. That is not helpful. I am rendered senseless from past experiences. It doesn’t mean I’m giving the silent treatment It doesn’t mean that I’m being elusive. It means I need to process what has been said
  7. Jesus is able to heal my heart- no matter what has happened and it turns it into something beautiful for his glory!
  8. Not everyone will like me- BUT God ALWAYS will. He loves me just as I am.

So how did I get to these points?

It really comes down to some spiritual growth over the last year. So I woke up the next morning after crying myself to sleep the night before and I began praying. More tears were shed. I took these accusations to the one who knows my heart better than I. And out of that prayer time came these truths. I had to ask myself some hard questions. I had to really embrace what was true rather than the lies that Satan was using to create doubt, shame, and guilt that weren’t mine. THEN I had to do the hardest thing for me to do….I had to let it go ( I know cue the Frozen Song). And for the first time, I did just that, right then and there. I experienced freedom.

NOTHING she said had any foundation whatsoever!

Moving Forward

So what about the future? This isn’t going to be the last time. People are people. Just like me, they are human. They have bad days, they make mistakes and wrong choices. We are all selfish beings. I need to keep the truth in the forefront. As much as people can make assumptions and judge our intentions those things are between God and me. And so to seek his input more than anyone else is the most important thing.

(Personal note: These are responses are to the specific accusations she made)

Thanks so much for joining me on this journey as this was my last phase of processing this situation.

I hope that these things help you if you ever experience this type of situation.

Check out my last post Broken Places

If you are new here introduce yourself in the comments below and also let me know how you have handled these types of situations in your past. What helped you grow past these hard experiences?

Hello June: Happy Homemaker Monday 6/6/2022

June

Hello Friends and Happy June! Lonf time no see! Its been a whirlwind of a couple of months. We have moved (Kinda). We had to put our furry friend Rosie down. I have severly injured my ankle and a host of other craziness. Over the next few month we will also be blogging our journey of transforming a barn into a house!

So far it’s been quite the adventure! A very good adventure. We are enjoyig the whole process. . It is challenging at times but for the most part we are having fun!

So let’s Jump into the firt June Happy Homemaker Monday

♥♥ The Weather ♥♥

Monday –  80 and sunny
Tuesday – 72 and rain  Wednesday – 74 and rain
Thursday – 71 and mostly sunny
Friday -73 and mostly sunny
Saturday – 71 and ra
Sunday -in 72 and rain

♥♥  As I look outside my window ♥♥

beautiful warm sunny day with kiddos playing hockey in the church parking lot

♥♥  Right now I am ♥♥

sitting in my hubby’s office typing away. It’s been an absolutely nutty past week (more on that on Thursday)

♥♥  Thinking and pondering ♥♥

The purpose of this last week. It has been stretching and exhausting in so many ways. Most of the time in a negative way.

♥♥  How am I feeling ♥♥

Good but exhausted

♥♥  On the breakfast plate ♥♥

egg whites.      

♥♥  On my reading pile ♥♥

  • I have some counseling books to finish
  • Hello Fears
  • the book of Romans

♥♥  On my TV this week  ♥♥

Nothing

♥♥  On the menu  ♥♥ 

Monday – Beef Stroganoff Tuesday- Sloppy Joes and baked Poatoes Wednesday Soup
Thursday – Taco Salad
Friday -Mashed Poato Sudaes
Saturday -Grilled Chicken and Rice
Sunday –  Pasta and Salad

♥♥  Looking around the house  ♥♥

Ahem…Camper…A few dishes to be done. I still need to work on my closet and the kitchen table

♥♥ To-Do List ♥♥

Packing, though we are running low on boxes

♥♥  From the camera  ♥♥

The New View

♥♥  Devotional  ♥♥

Thanks so much for joining me today! For more Happy Homemaker Monday Posts Check Out Diary of a Stay at Home Mom

A Not So Happy Homemaker Monday

Happy

Happy Monday friends. I’m writing this post today Sunday because I do not know what tomorrow holds. I have this wonderful pooch who is not doing so great. She turned 13 on Friday and we know she has been declining over the last year but this last week she took a big nose dive. At this point we are taking it moment by the moment. We know that she s failing fast.

She has been with our family for 9 of her 13 years and she has been amazing! I love how dogs know when you are going through stuff. And she has been no different. Her sweet smile and her constant companionship has been a hue blessing! And I am rejoicing in the blessing have having gotten to call her mine for so many years!!

♥♥ The Weather ♥♥

As of right now it is cold and snowy! But starting tomorrow we will be in the mid and upper 40’s with days in the mid- 50s scttered in the week as well. Tere isn’t a whole lot of sun in the forecast jus pretty much the typical gray of April in central NY

♥♥  As I look outside my window ♥♥

Gray skies and snow

♥♥  Right now I am ♥♥

Typing this post while listen to music in my ear buds ( I have discovered this is a fabuous way for me to focus while I am writing. I am often distracted by background noise no matter where I am writing.

♥♥  Thinking and pondering ♥♥

At this point I am trying not to think and ponder too much. I am trying to keep my mind focused on being busy. I ave an incredibily active imagination.

♥♥  Homemaking tips ♥♥

♥♥  How am I feeling ♥♥

Sad. For some odd reason we lose pets after soe big emotional experience. I am not sure why. This is the second dog I have lost. I was telling hubby the other day I’m going to end up with a complex. 2 completely different circumstances and really BAD TIMINING

♥♥  On the breakfast plate ♥♥

coffee

♥♥  On my reading pile ♥♥
  • 3 more counseling books (they are short little things just shy of a hundred pages each
  • The Book of Acts
  • The Life Giving Home (Finish March and April)
  • Starting Point (for mentoring)
  • Hello Fears
♥♥  On my TV this week  ♥♥

nothing

 ♥♥  On the menu  ♥♥ 
  • Monday- Pizza and salad
  • Tuesday-Hamburgers and French fries
  • Wednesday- Tater Tot Casserole
  • Thursday- Chili and Bread
  • Friday-Beef Stroganoff
  • Saturday BLTs
  • Sunday- Chicken Bacon Ranch Casserole
 ♥♥  From the camera  ♥♥

I saw this from the Women of Faith Facebook page and knew I needed to share it. We all desperately need this reminder, sometimes on a regular basis.


♥♥  Looking around the house  ♥♥

This is going to be redundant over the next few weeks. Boxes, cleaning, organizing downsizing …Need I say anymore?

♥♥  To do list  ♥♥

See above

♥♥  Devotional  ♥♥

Colossians 3:12 NLT

 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

Thanks for joining me today I pray that you have a fabulous week! For more Happy Homemaker Monday Posts check out Diary of a Stay at Home Mom

You can check out some of my Happier Happy Homemaker Monday posts here

Getting Ready: Happy Homemaker Monday 3-28-2022

Ready

Good Morning friends and Happy Monday! I cannot believe last week just flew by! We find ourselves in full swing of getting ready for our upcoming move. We don’t know when that is exactly because……that’s life but we need to be ready in certain ways. And getting sick TWICE in March hindered those plans so now we need to get back into gear.

Thanks for joining me today!

♥♥ The Weather ♥♥

.So this week we get to experience the full spectrum of what sprig REALLY is like in central NY. We have temps today with a HIGH of 18 and then by Thursday, we will be in the mid- 60’s. we will have everything from snow to good old thunderstorms and hopefully, a bunch of sun mixed in!

♥♥ As I look outside my window ♥♥

SNOW- Can’t even see the mountain behind our house. Give it a few minutes and the sun will be trying desperately to peek out…

    ♥♥ Right now I am ♥♥ 

At the kitchen table with my Bullet Journal and pen by my side. I have to keep taking breaks from this blog post to jot down all the “things to do” running through my head. There is so much to do!!

♥♥ Thinking and pondering ♥♥ 

SOOO much. I guess the biggest two things are my ever-mounting to-do list. Both school-related and house-related. And then blogging ideas that seem to be running free. I can’t seem to keep on top of the ideas. I carry a notebook with me EVERYWHERE!


 ♥♥ Homemaking tips ♥♥ 

As we plan to “live ” in our camper as we transition to working on our new home (that will hopefully happen at the end of the month) I have created a four-week rotating menu. Thankfully we will not be limited by minimal electricity/ Fridge/ Laundry and the like. I just needed to create a simplified menu that eliminated the brainwork I usually invest in it each week.


♥♥ How I am feeling ♥♥

I think that because of having COVID it hurt my immune system (As if I didn’t have enough trouble!!). The Doctor who monitors my IVIG said that’s probably why my numbers are lower so I have managed to struggle with a bunch f stomach issues. I have also been dealing with some longtime stress. Not a bad thing but it can be for sure mentally draining at times. So As I have worked through some of that stuff over the last few weeks I have been in the process of laying boundaries for myself and creating a series of checklists for myself that takes away the trying to remember certain things every day. It has helped for sure

♥♥ On the breakfast plate ♥♥

Cup of coffee and some toast

♥♥ On my reading pile ♥
  • Finishing the book of John
  • The Life-Giving Home
  • Guilt
  • Hello Fears
♥♥ On my TV ♥♥

Nothing really but I’m listening to the Mom to Mom Podcast and some books on my Kindle app

♥♥ On the menu ♥♥

Monday – Soup and salad
Tuesday – Make Your own salad bar
Wednesday – Tacos
Thursday – Sandwiches and salad
Friday – Ribs and mashed potatoes
Saturday – Tater Tot Casserole
Sunday –  Baked Ziti

♥♥ From the camera ♥♥
Our drive to church late last week
♥♥ Looking around the house ♥♥I

BOXES UPON BOXES

♥♥ To do list ♥♥

All the normal stuff…dishes, laundry and the like but Also packing, I also need to prep for my meeting tomorrow. Daily reading and general end-of-quarter stuff for school.


♥♥  Prayer List ♥♥

Chruch friends, family, and friends who are struggling. Ukraine.



♥♥ Today’s Devotional ♥♥

“But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father. “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.

I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other.”‭‭John‬ ‭15:7-17‬ ‭NLT‬‬

For more Happy Homemaker Monday posts Check our Diary of a Stay At Home Mom