My eyes popped open at 4 this morning. I made myself stay in bed until my alarm went off at 5. Yesterday I battled a scratchy throat and some congestion so I didn’t want to overdo the not getting rest. But as soon as my alarm went off my feet were on the floor. I got dressed grabbed my journal and my coffee cup and headed to the barn we are turning into a house.
It was a brisk morning but no worries I had my sweatshirt on. I scanned the sky. YAY! There are clouds!! (More on that in a minute!!)
I went into the barn and started the coffee pot.
I gathered some other stuff around the barn for our typical day at church.
I went back to the coffee pot and grabbed my cup and as I turned to grab my creamer from the fridge my eyes caught what had happened out the window…FOG!!!!
WHAAAAAT? When I came into the barn a few minutes ago there was no sign of fog ANYWHERE! And now I couldn’t see the forest behind the barn-house.
I grabbed my coffee and headed to the picnic table but not without some apprehension first.
Taking the Step into the fog
It’s not the first batch of fog we have had at our new home. Matter of fact I shared a pic in yesterday’s blog post of another foggy morning from last week. I enjoy seeing fog. I think it is pretty. However, fog is daunting and a little scary too because you can’t see through it. You don’t know what is there with you.
This morning’s fog was thicker than the other days. Everything felt a lot “closer” than usual and I could see how someone who struggles with claustrophobia might not enjoy this experience. I could have chosen to stay safely in the barn. I didn’t know what was in the fog. I know what could have been….coyotes, fisher cats, Bears Oh my.
However, I was EXPECTING something so I took the risk and stepped over the threshold of our barn-house. And carried my coffee to the picnic table and watched the sky over where the woods should be.
Over the next half an hour I took sips of my coffee and waited expectantly looking at the sky. I began to notice something happening. The sky over the tree tops started to lighten and change colors. I kept watching but with the next sip of coffee, I noticed something amazing. The more I stayed focused on the sky, the more the fog was clearing.
All of sudden this thought crossed my mind- Mary this is the perfect explanation of this restlessness you have been dealing with.
The funny thing about fog is that you can walk through the fog, seeing just what’s ahead of you for a few feet. So as I traversed through my restless fog I kept taking steps forward, but couldn’t see past my current place. I chose to write through it, baby steps inching forward in faith. I kept my eyes on God or at least in his direction waiting for some glimmer of the rising sun. I knew He was there, He always has been.
I began an old habit I had put in place during college and as I wrote my way through words and prompts I saw the brightness in the sky. I looked around me and realized the fog was beginning to clear.
What happened next is amazing.
When the fog lifts
It lifted just as quickly as it had come. I finished typing my last few words for the blog post Called Restlessness and Grace, I sat back and took a deep breath before I started the editing process and I was flooded with some understanding. I knew what my next steps were, albeit daunting.
I had to take the steps of faith in the fog before I was ready to say yes.
- trusting my husband in a new way (nothing bad, just new)
- changing my perspective/ idea for what my #write 31 days project in October will look like
- tweaking the last 3 #write31days projects to fit a MUCH bigger writing project
- Changing a title and a focus
- Being brave in every way possible.
I told you all the restless fog usually comes before a big breakthrough.
Now about those clouds
We always seem to think that having a cloudless sky made a day beautiful. We also tend to think that a life without clouds and storms is a sign of a really good life. And yes some clouds are gray and can make us feel gloomy and sad.
Can I just tell you though I have gained a whole new appreciation for clouds both literally and figuratively, and here is why. Clouds give the sky character. I have a very distinct childhood memory of laying in the grass f our backyard just watching the clouds float by and talking with my brothers (i think) about the shapes we saw in them.
As we have transitioned into our new home and we have a much bigger view of the sky I have taken more notice of the clouds, especially at certain times of the day. Sunrises and sunsets. Sunrises and sunsets are gorgeous on their own but add in the clouds and wow! Extra colors, extra shadows. The sun just bounces off of them in so many ways.
How about the sunsets right after a storm? Gorgeous. So often we see the clouds in the sky and we forget that they can be transformed from what they appear to be into something so stunning.
The same is true for the clouds and storms in our lives
As I sat pondering all of this, this morning with a coffee cup in hand I saw these little puffy clouds. I could just barely see them as the fog began to lift. But as the fog lited those little puffy white clouds GLOWED PINK in the rising sun…..AND then I looked behind me, the fog had lifted and the clouds behind me weren’t just glowing pink, but were purple too.
Sometimes we get so incredibly focused on the clouds themselves that we forget to see what God has done around us.
I want to challenge us to do 2 things:
- Trust God in the middle of the fog. Keep taking baby steps in our walk with Jesus. Understand that he is there with us in the middle of the fog. Fog is going to look different for everyone. For me, it was a restless heart and mind. for others, it might be depression, anxiety, grief, and a host of other situations.
- When we see the storm clouds rolling in or overhead keep our eyes peeled for the painting God’s about to paint. He has a plan to take those scary clouds and turn them into something beautiful. We have to be willing for him to do that though. We ALSO have to keep our eyes peeled in order to see it.
So to recap we MUST
TRUST AND MOVE
BE WILLING AND WATCH