The Climb

(This blog post was originally written in September of 2024, but never got published now is the time. For further information on what this post is about check out this post here)

I have been going around and around and around about what this crazy blog post should be called We have just passed a year since our day in Federal Court and the week leading up to said day in court hubby and I experoienced a mountain climb like no other.

Injured.

The prvious two years I had severly injured both of my ankles. In 2022 it was my left ankle We were pretty sure that I had broken it or some part of my foot due to the black streak across the top of my foot that lingered for months . In June of 2023 I had a serious mishap with a wet hose in the pouring rain as I ran to cover some very delicate seedlings. Needless to say the seedlings never got covered and I ended up on a chair with a very swollen ankle, knee and sore hip. Did I mention it was the same one. I couldn’t bend it very well again. Crutches, a brace and a long healing time.

Over my lifetime I have become accustomed to falls. It really is the life of a person with a visual impairment as my depth perception is lacking. Ron will often alert me to steps or uneven ground.

Just before I fell last year my two dear friends Steph and Beth had been asking me about our “case”. We had never heard the outsome as Ron’s phone was stolen. and that was the only way the US attorney could contact us. Honestly we just wanted to let it go and forget about it but these two friends…..so I googled like all good techie girls do….It wasn’t my first rodeo in this search.

But this time I landed on a different site. All the others had been the same, no info 2-3 years old right from the time he was arrested. USELSS was about the best word to descibe the websearch, but then…..a new link still a few years old but this one had the phone number OF THE ATTORNEYS OFFUICE.

I turned off my phoe.

I sat there staring at it. A voice echoing in my head….CALL. Call now.

I picked up my phone and tapped the number.

it was staring me in the face….CALL

I clicked call

RING RING RING

hello?

The rest os kinda a blur …I said who I was and how I was related to the case. All I wanted to know was, What happemed?

He was arrested in 2021, surely he must be tried and sentenced by now. Nope. He plead out. Sentencing would be in a few months. Wow. Just wow. Let’s just say the real court system does NOT operate on the same time allotment as Law and Order!

The sweet lady on the end of the phone told me that if the Attorney needed us (WAIT WHAT?) she would let us know by the end of the following week. The following week came and went and so did two more weeks. Then one day when I was at church My phone rang. Hi is the Mrs_______This is Assisstant US ATTORNEY________ Can we talk?

The next 30-45 minutes was full of lots of information I never EVER wanted to know about the case. Sentencing was scheduled for the end of August. It was likely to be rescheduled. Would you and Mr _________ be willing to testify in the sentencing or write victim impact statements. OH and would you consider letting your kids testify???

By this point I was Shaking by the overload of all that I had just heard and learned. Let alone being asked if I would be willing for my children come face to face with their abuser. For the first time time in 9 years. Everything within my body screamed “heck no.”

We were warned that sentencing might be changed from August to a later date. And even more so.

Sentencing was rescheduled for the end of September. Life was a whirlwind of crazy emotions. Not just for Ron and I but for all of our kids as well. In the middle of the wait my ankle was getting better but I had no flexibility in it and I was wearing a brace 24/7.

We had agreed to go on vacation with Steph and her family in early September which was a very welcomed distraction to say the leaset, all the while the US Attourney kept saying ” we aren’t sure if we need the kids yet”

The week before sentencing Ron and I spent almost every waking hour talking about and writing 4 victim impact statements that would be turned into the judge. I emailed mine first. Then the two kids. One week before the sentencing we said goodbye to our kiddos and headed off to a pastot’s and wives Retreat. I can hnestly say we were highly distracted and other than mealtimes we didnt spend much time with others. What we did do was we spent a whole lot of time hiking. We hiked and talked bum ankle and knee included. We hiked every trail but one. The one with the scenic outlook. With each passing day and the trails I was gaining some flexibility back in said ankle. Finally the last day Ron Looked at me and said ” Mary you wanna try it”. I reluctanty said yes.

Just like he did on every other hike Ron would say, Step here, hold onto my shoulder, hold my hand I will guide you.”

God does that right? He wants us to lean on him and trust his movement in our lives. Leaning on him, holing our hands, guiding us. In these monents over the last 9 years we have had no choice but to lean on God, let him direct us because blazing new trails is not an option.

We started off kinda rough. The camp hadnt taken down the signs for the old yellow trail so we were misguided for a bit.

So many people had good intentions over the last 10 years trying to sooth our wounds. “don’t worry te kids will forget”. Don’t buy that lie, they don’t and they won’t ever firget. there were lots of other misdirected advice as well.

We got turned back around, headed in the right direction….and then I came face to face with something I find terrifying…A LADDER. Im not afraid to say it, Im deathly afraid of heights, and Im ok with that. So now what? This thing was terrifying…..NOTHING was holding me back from this. Ron offered multiple times to turn around. BUT I’m stubborn, he knows this. So slowly (without looking down) climbed that crazy ladder.

the trail smoothed out after this. we left the stony rocky terraine of Pennsylvania Creek beds and boulder fields for a steeper climb. THIS WAS HARD. I kept telling Ron this really does signify the last nine yers. For parts of this trail he had his hand on my back pushing me albeit gently forward. We have taken that role on for each other over the years. Supporting each other through all the hard climbs we’ve faced.

As you climb mountains, the higher you get, the thinner the trees get. It was a beautiful fall day and as we climbed we were getting closer and closer to the top, just a few more feet Ron would tell me. Just a few more feet. I stopped to catch my breath. There were a group of teens ahead enjoying the overlook. The top was just steps away….my phone rang. We were 5 days till sentencing and this was the Atttorneys office.

Hi Mrs_____ this is so and so (the advocate we were working with. ) __________ wanted me to call and tell you that the kids won’t need to testify in sentencing. Matter of fact they don’t even need to come that day. Your victim impact statemnts to the judge were enough. The tears flowed freely. I dont even remember saying goodbye to the advocate. The teens passed by and I didn’t care.

A few steps further and we stepped into the overlook break in the trees. We could see everything. The whole camp. We had the whole picture. Answered prayers. A willingness to “do the next right thing” whatever that looked like. Was it easy? NOT A CHANCE. We had endured that 9 year climb. WE never stopped doing the next right thing. Making Jesus our center focus. teaching each one of our kids what forgiveness and grace looks llike. Were there times I wanted to quit on that hike. 100%. BUT i kept taking that next step forward. We enjoyed the moment. Praising God for walking with us on this journey and for caring for our family. For providig the friends who would journey with us to court the next week.

But that moment lasted but a brief moment. because what came next was we had to go back the way we came or do we head down the other side? Hmmmm. Down the otherside of course. We needed to go full circle right? At least thats how my brain worked? The catch….ITS STEEEEEEP. And my ankle doesn’t bend easily that way, but we did it anyway.

My hands firmly placed on Ron’s shoulders each step of the way. I leaned on him. He told me with each step where to place my feet. If I didn’t quite listen or get it right my ankle would tweak and I would grimmace in pain. Ron’s shoulders hurt for days afterwards.

What a picture of love and care and sacrifice Ron had for me. I really believe that he modeled Jesus’ love for us in those moments.. AT one point he even offered to carry me to which a loudly declined. ….something about not wanting to fall down the mountain… ( thats a story for another blog post). One more analogy for you though. Coming down the other side of the mountain…..in the weeks following the sentencing our kids struggled with a lot of questions, fear and anxiety. It wasn’t all rainbows and flowers after.

As we neared the road and I could see the end of the hike in sight I let go of Ron’s hand. I sprang to one rock and then another and another until i stepped on a loose rock. I fell. I twisted that bad akle and Ron said, I told you to be careful. I didn’t heed his warning. I didn’t hold onto him. I could finish by myself. I reached out and I held his hand, even on the flat road -we had done it. We completeled this leg of the journey and I knew going into the following Wednesday that our friends who journeyed with us would be holding our hands. giving us stregth. being Jesus just like Ron had been. So thank you, Alyssa, Dawn, Justin, Annie, Mike, Steph, and Beth for helping us take those next steps to our mountain top and down the other side. We are so grateful for all of you!

Blessings,

Mary

A New Season.

Hey friends! Long time no see. I’m so glad you are here. The last year has been full of new things. We graduated our first kiddo. (The second is over 10 days away from finishing her senior year.)

As a mom I have spent the last 19 (3 weeks shy of 20) years cheering on my kids and their passions. I’ve loved almost every minute of it AND I don’t plan on changing a bit of it!

But as we begin to grow into this new season of launching kids it’s been interesting to see how God has opened new doors for me. I stepped back from here for quite some time and now as we enter this new phase I’m excited to jump back into my little piece of the internet.

So let me introduce myself. I’m Mary. Wife to my pastor husband for nearly 22 years. We had 4 kids in 5 years and they are currently 19, 18, 17, and 15.

My favorite picture of us to date!

Our journey hasn’t been easy. There have been mountain top experiences and the darkest of valleys. But in the end God has used every experience to bring Him glory and we feel blessed he saw fit to use us!

So since it’s been a while I thought we could have a bit of fun. Here’s 35 fun things about me (not my family because that’s protected info around here).

  1. I enjoy rainy spring and summer days. I love the sound on our roof, and when Ron and I were in college we would love to take long walks in the rain.
  2. I do NOT like my feat to be wet.
  3. I’m NOT a Fan of Sand.
  4. Frogs (specifically poison dart frogs ) are my favorite.
  5. I LOVE SLOTHS!!!!
  6. I have directed roughly 13 plays.
  7. I love to work with teenagers.
  8. I have my certificate in biblical counseling and I’m almost finished with another set of classes.
  9. I enjoy leading games as in large group games for our Launch program (aka Youth group).
  10. I enjoy reading though I have to force myself to read fiction.
  11. I taught myself to paint.
  12. We have homeschooled kids for the last 4 years.
  13. I used to be afraid of silence but now I love it.
  14. We have 2 dogs and 3 cats.
  15. I have been to China and Japan.
  16. My favorite food is Pizza.
  17. My favorite Old Testament character is Esther. (though I’m connecting with David now on a different level).
  18. Favorite New Testament character is Paul.
  19. Top 3 songs on my playlist right now a) That’s Who I Praise by Brandon Lake b) What an Awesome God by Phil Wickham c) Up+Up by Colton Dixon
  20. I am a planner girl -if ya know you know!
  21. I have this thing for mugs!!!!
  22. Spring and summer are my favorite seasons.
  23. I have owned a blog for 18 years 😳
  24. I’m not afraid of snakes….I actually like holding them (poisonous snakes are a different story).
  25. In college I only wore 3 colors…black, navy, and gray. Today I enjoywearing other colors and my favorites are purple and green.
  26. My favorite flowers…..ok I like them all but I have to go with my wedding flowers tulips and lilacs.
  27. I’ve been visually impaired since I was 13. And with that I can’t drive.
  28. Uncle Tom’s Cabin tops my favorites reading list.
  29. Ron and I enjoy history and visiting Presidents homes.
  30. I enjoy movies made about authors.
  31. Heath bars are my favorite.
  32. #1 on the bucket list…..cuddle a sloth!!!!
  33. Favorite place I’ve visited is Nashville TN.
  34. I prefer the mountains.
  35. Hairy cows (aka miniature highlands) have been discussed.

So what can you expect while visiting my little corner?

A little bit of everything. The reality is it was once called Walking The Walk and then it changed to Walking By Faith but its still the same premise. This little space of mine is about my faith journey. Past, Present And Future. It’s not always pretty but it’s not really supposed to be. Jesus takes our mess and makes it his Message, but we have to let him. All of it, work, ministry, family, friends, writing, book reviews…….its all wrapped into my faith journey. I can’t separate Jesus from any of it!

I’m so glad you are joining me on this jouney. I’m excited to see where this new season takes us.

Blessings,

Mary

Dear Weary Mom: They Grow Up Far Too Fast 2.0

I wrote this Dear Weary Mom post in January 2014. We had 4 kids ranging from almost 4 to 8 years old. I BLINKED!!!!! It’s been 10 years!!!

10 SUPER FAST YEARS!

In that original post I talked about them overcoming some hard things in 2013. To be honest I have NO IDEA what those hard things were because what I didn’t know when I penned those words was nothing held a candle to what was going to happen in September of 2014.

Hindsight is always 2020. As I look back over that post and I see the realization that “God has taught me to love my little sinners for who they are…not who I want them to become” Was the groundwork that was being laid to help my children through the mess that would consume us some 9 months later.

It’s good for us to document these things. So we can see how God led us or carried us through the sometimes thick muck of life. It’s why God instructed the Israelites to set up stones of remembrance. So they didn’t forget where they had come from…..and what God had brought them through.

Now my kids are 14 through 18. We are entering new phases of life almost everyday now it seems. Today I find myself weary not from hard things at the moment but busyness that 4 active teenagers bring. Sports, worship team practice, friendships, acts of service, jobs and all the things that come from a graduating senior life speeds by. The realizations that I will have a graduating senior every year for the next three years is not lost on me and that makes me feel WEARY.

I’m so incredibly thankful for that lesson 10 years ago to meet them where they are. It’s something I try to hold onto each and everyday.

Even in my weariness of all the busyness and happy chaos. (and sometimes the not so happy chaos) I know that Jesus is the hope that gets me through.

You can check out all my Dear Weary Mom posts here.

This post series is based on a book called Hope for the Weary Mom. This book literally saved me from myself. It’s words of hope and truth from God’s word helped me to be the mom I am today!

2023 Books List

Hey friends. I hope you are having a great week. I’ve been wrapping up my 2023 planner and I was counting up the books I read in 2023.

I was impressed considering the year we had and as I looked back over the books I read in 2023 they really did symbolize a whole lot of personal growth. Some of which I fought tooth and nail because it went against how my brain works.

This year I also started my book review journey again. Which I really hope to continue this year as well. Later this week I will share my plan for books in 2024!

Here are the books I completed in 2023

  • Perfectionism
  • Winnie the Pooh
  • Resilient (Review book)
  • Who stole my cheese?
  • Becoming Elisabeth Elliot
  • On Getting out of Bed (Review book)
  • The Great Divorce
  • Book Girl
  • The House at Pooh Corner
  • On Cleaning House While Drowning
  • Tips to Romance Your Husband
  • Tips to Romance your Wife
  • Dwell (Review book)
  • Becoming Free Indeed
  • Find your People
  • The 6 Working Geniuses
  • Shepherding a Child’s Heart
  • The Pray Better Devotional (Review Book)
  • Courageous Creative
  • Untapped church
  • Share Your Story

The Romancing your husband and wife books hubby and I read together when we attended a Marriage conference back in March of 2023. We alternated pages and commented on the ideas given in the book.s. It was a great communication moment to share what we liked and didn’t like!

My to 2 favorite books of 2023 was

1) Share Your Story

2) Becoming Elisabeth Elliot (Not gonna lie I’m super excited for reading the sequel to this book later this year)

I can’t wait to share with you the goals and plan for 2024!

What were your favorite reads from 2023?

Patient Endurance

Every year I pick a word (or words ) for the year. Then in the weeks after the new year starts I write a blog post that starts like this, “Well that’s not what I intended” This year is no different. Except for one thing.. After June of this year I lost sight of my words. PATIENT ENDURANCE! Or at least I thought I did. Over the last few weeks I have beat myself up because I hadn’t’t made any progress in Patient Endurance…or at least so I thought.

I have these two amazing women in my life who have supported me on my writing journey for a number of years now, but it’s not just my writing journey really it’s life!! It’s not just one sided either. We lift each other up. Sometimes they ask hard questions to push me into next steps.

Well back in June my amazing friends asked me if I heard anything about “our case”. Our case was just a few short months shy of 9 years long. It’s had been a roller coaster ride of “soon but not yet” answers.

I told them no because Hubby.s phone had been stolen a year earlier and that was the only contact with the U.S. Attorney we had. Periodically we would do a google search for the guys name to See if the trial had happened. It was the same old news articles so over time I just gave up checking. For whatever reason that day when Beth asked- I felt drawn to search again .

This time was different…i stumbled on an FBI posting I had never come across before. I OPENED THE ARTICLE…it was pretty much just like the others BUT THIS TIME it had a U.S.Attorney.s name AND phone number. I closed my phone I got up from my bed. I was shaking. In my head and heart echoed CALL. I went to leave my room. I glanced back to my bed and the phone that laid in the middle of it. I walked back, hands shaking, I picked up the phone and I clicked on the link My phone dialed than rang.

My chest was pounding all I was looking for was a simple answer…..yes or no. That’s it. I got more than I bargained for. The answer was NO the trial hadn’t happened yet. I got transferred to a really nice lady. . D basically told me that if the attorney wanted to talk to us she would call us by the end of the week. I hung up…..shaing worse than when I started this. At least we had a date…END OF AUGUST.

Can you guess what happened at the end of the week? A big fat NOTHING! We let it go like all the other times and we just kept doing the everyday. Until two weeks later. I was at church after a day of ministry and meetings and I can’t remember where hubby was off to but I was sitting fat his desk using a charger when my phone rang. It was a blocked number. I almost didn’t answer, but something said Pick up. So I did.

The U.S. Attorney introduced herself and I nearly fell off the chair in shock. The details I learned from that phone call made me ill. I felt like I could throw up. I also learned more about the FBI and Federal Court system that I never wanted to know. At the end of the phone call she asked how I felt about the kids testifying? We may need them to. By this time I was outside of our church and I had just walked inside and two staff members had joined me…but they had no idea shat I was about to tell them.

I was in shock. The ball was in motion…..we would be involved and I had major regrets for ever making that call. We didn’t change our plans. We didn’t tell the kids yet. We ended our homeschool year, 3 kids went to work at Camp, hubby and I had phone meetings and even went to a meeting in the Federal building where our phones were confiscated. We went with a friend who had walked a similar path. Her words to and from were soothing to hubby and I. The laughter was healing. There would only be a sentencing…..no trial. (there will be another post on that subject) Sentencing was moved (as expected) . It moved from the end of August til the end of September. We started school. We went on vacation with friends. Ron and I left for a Pastors and Wives retreat. We left one week to the day before we were to appear in court.

Everyone else was having a great time…..we on the other hand had a job to do. Four victim impact statements had to be written. Hubby and I would take breaks and hike the trails around the retreat center. There is one trail I didn’t think I could do. It was steep….so very steep and I had killed my ankle and knee in June and I had not fully healed and the rocks that cover those Pennsylvania mountains were brutal.

Upon the encouragement of our teaching pastor who was also at the retreat we decided to hike the yellow trail Thursday morning. It was tough. I was in pain, it was a hard climb because for 3 months had babied my left leg. BUT IM INCREDIBLY STUBBORN AND I DONT GIVE UP EASILY. It took us way longer than it should have but as we reached the summit in the middle of the Poconos my phone rang. It shouldn’t have…..i shouldn’t have had reception. It was D. Our advocate. She informed us that our kids didn’t need to come and that none of us had to testify. None of us would have to stare at him in the face. Hubby and I could read our victim impact statements and that would be it.

We hugged and cried and cried and hugged. That climb was so very symbolic of those last nine years (we passed the anniversary the grinning of September) it was rocky, tricky and sometimes straight up. We had each others backs Then coming back down the very steep side I literally had to lean on hubby.

I look back on that time in September and yes in the months surrounding those events I may have dropped some balls. I may have lost track of some things and forgotten stuff but in the middle of all that we came out the other side maybe a little ruffled but we had our faith and our family intact and we had this amazing group of people who really acted as our Aaron and Hur. They held up our arms in some of the craziest times. Some of them even went to court with us. They sat with us, held our hands rubbed our backs and sobbed with us our words…..our testimonies of Gods grace and forgiveness were heard not only by the man who hurt us but also a judge, attorneys, and US Marshalls who sat in that court room.

As for the patient endurance I look back on The last year and from July through the end of the year I may have fallen short and dropped the ball in some areas but in hindsight we patiently endured 9 years. Waiting. There were lots of “Soon but not yet” Moments. The waiting is over. It was hard but the idea of endurance eludes to hard work. As much as I felt like I was failing I wasn’t. We ran that 9 year marathon. We kept our eyes on Jesus and we served with all of our hearts. We could have hid and licked our wounds. We could have protected ourselves and not let anyone in. We could have lived in fear. We could have said no to the Attorney. B. Instead we didn’t run that race for ourselves but for Jesus. We let Jesus shine through.gh the pain. That’s who we kept our eyes on. Patient Endurance isn’t always pretty it will sometimes be messy. That’s where Jesus comes in. He makes the messy beautiful!

Next week I will share my word for this year.