Once again we have been asked about our discipline of our children. Luckily after mentally working through the issues with our friends I have a much better response to what churches want to know.
So here it is
Our view on discipline is not something we take lightly. We have spent so much time praying and reading Scripture on the subject and at first glance it can be a discouraging moment to a parent to not see discipline discussed in the Bible at Great length…Spare the rod, spoil the child and train up the child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it is not enough detail to tell you HOW to discipline each child
However after much prayer and searching God’s word one thing has become evident to us….God may not have “spoken” a whole lot about discipline but he surely exemplified it in so many ways.
As of late we have taken some extra time to focus on what God’s word teaches about discipline and developed what we believe to be a God honoring perspective on discipline!
Here is what we have learned and how we have implemented it!
1. W strive to train our children in areas of importance…Manners, Obedience, respect, stewardship, attitude and so much more (here are a FEW house rules for example.
~no rude behavior at the dinner table..Or anywhere for that matter
~House rules need to be followed at ALL times
~No talking back to anyone giving orders and taking care of you.
~Stewardship…if you can’t take care of your toys you loose them and they will not be replaced if broken on purpose or out of anger(we take them away for a period of time)
~No one wants to here grumpy whiny children so they are sent to their rooms until they can handle themselves in an acceptable way
2. We use many different means of implementing discipline. God did this in the Bible from making people sick to exiling a whole nation to wiping out entire people groups or just choosing not to discipline.
A few examples:
~God made people sick for disobeying and worshipping idols while Moses was receiving the tablets containing the 10 commandments (we will not make our children Physically sick but they may feel sick when they have to miss something they cared deeply about)
~Both Israel and Judah were warned repeatedly to obey and to follow the Law God had set before them. They both refused and were exiled. (Though we will not exile our children from our home they will be excluded from certain activities if they choose to continually disobey and disregard the rules we have set forth in our home)
~The Assyrians were completely wiped off the face of the planet. (No we will not kill our children….my point is to show God uses different discipline at different times)
~there are also two points in Scripture where both God and Jesus choose not to discipline…one would be Rehab when she chose to lie to her government officials when the spies came into her country. She harbored them in her home and helped them to escape. To which she was blessed both by being saved when her country was attacked by the Israelites and then by being put into the line of Jesus though she was a foreigner according to the law. The second point where discipline was nothing but a strong command to a woman who was adulterous and brought before Jesus to be stoned was commanded to just “Go and sin no more”
That being said the punishment should also fit the child. Each child responds differently to different punishments…Just talk to our daughter in a stern tone and it’s the worst punishment in the world for her.
3. We believe that the punishment should fit the crime….Where Rehab was not held to the same standards due to ignorance a child needs to be trained and taught. However Ananias and Saphira were immediately killed when they lied to Peter. Corporal punishment should be used in serious situations.
4. We will not provoke our children to wrath. We do our best to not discipline our children in Public. They know they will be disciplined for misbehavior when we get home! Discipline is a private matter unless they have hurt someone else to which they will apologize and will do some sort of service to show their repentance to that person.
5. We don’t seek to control our child’s every move. Just as believers we are given free will. Children need to learn that there are consequences for their sin and disobedience. We have choices to make everyday. Attitudes, words spoken, and activities done-these are all choices we make on a day to day basis and no one ALWAYS gets them right. Without learning these things children become robots and have no foundational reasons for doing these things. It sets them up for strong rebellion later in life!
6. And finally the biggest one ever. Love and grace reigns over all. Let’s remember that we are all guilty by God’s standards, just as our children are yet God saw fit to send His only Son to take on the ultimate punishment. Death and eternal separation from God. The worst punishment ever thought up. So sometimes when our children understand that they have done wrong and they ask for forgiveness. We will just wrap our arms around them and whisper I forgive you just as Christ did to each one of us the day that we accepted Him as our Lord and Savior and he forgave us of ALL our sins.
Ultimately we are accountable to Christ for the discipline we choose for our children but we strive to discipline our children with the same love and grace that God bestowed upon us. We are to be good stewards of what God has given to us in all areas and that includes our children
