So while scrolling through Facebook the other day I came across this meme and since there is snow falling today I thought it might be fitting to share:
“April Showers bring snow plowers”.
There was a huge snow plow plowing through feet of snow. though there are no feet of snow, or inches of snow, I did go to bed to the sound of a snowplow last night salting the roads. and this is what I woke up to this morning….
those little white specks in the air are you guessed it snow. And we have had quite the heavy snow showers this morning. now it’s not sure if it wants to be snow or rain. It’s been doing both. I struggle with the cold and gray of New York. As a girl from Pennsylvania. I am not used to winters like this even after living here for nearly 17 years.
Leave of Absence
This last week I took a leave of absence from the pregnancy center. I love it and my clients, but for the time being I need to deal with smoother things. Somethings good, somethings hard, somethings just a must. I will miss everyone and hope to be back very very very soon.
Let. It. Go.
Our ladies Bible study will be gearing up for it’s next study. We picked the book a few weeks ago Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman. I have already read the book but I think it is time for a revisit. The subtitle is How to Stop running the show and start walking in Faith. All I can say is DID YA READ MY LAST BLOG POST?
I’m looking forward to diving into this study soon..
I know that’s not very much but it is what it is. I hope you have a spectacular day and if you live where it is warm and sunny go out and enjoy some vitamin D for me
I would like to sit here and think that today begins a new journey but in reality it’s not new. Life is the journey. Yes at times we come to a fork in the road and we need to decide which path to take. It is the very reason why I chose the theme for my blog to be walking by faith. Journey is in the subheading. and as I alluded to in yesterday’sblog post that there were somethings up my sleeve. I have been thinking and praying and planning for the last few months and I have really needed to wrestle through some stuff. Things like :
Fear
Control
Lack of confidence ( this one strikes me as funny because that was my word for last year. ,
Once upon a time….Journey back in time
I struggled with intense fear. Fear that left me curled up in the corner of my bedroom sobbing. I had come home to no power and I feared what lurked in the darkness. The unseen, You know what was there? Furniture Thats it. . I was as quiet as a mouse all of the time. When we moved into a different apartment a year and a half later I was pregnant with our first son and I quickly learned that the guy downstairs was on the creepy list. When our oldest was born hubby and I praised God that he was too young to ask questions about what was going on downstairs, on many levels. I was still scared but now I could no longer be as quiet as a mouse, because I had this youngling…and what do younglings do? They Cry. Sometimes a lot. But in my heart my thought was what if that creepy guy comes up stairs……? Then one day! He did. I was standing at the sink tasing dishes and this insane pounding came . I froze. He yelled Get out, the Apartment is on fire. Wait what? IS this for real? Sure enough I picked up our newborn son and scrambled down the stairs. It was filled with smoke, firetrucks everywhere.
Fast forward….the journey between then and Now
As I look back over the nearly 13 years since that day. I see an on again off again relationship with fear. What was once an absolutely gripping fear of being alone…as in no one in the same house. I could be alone, actually I really liked being in solitude, just not in the sense of being left alone….and in the ONLY ONE, morphed into a different kind of fear. Fear of people. Nope not kidding one single bit. I was afraid that I was going to get hurt. There was a time on my life as a young mom where I was convinced that it was my job to be hurt…by people. It was during that time that I had no friends. I was home all the time alone and arrows flew at me from every direction.. Now This did not just happen once or twice. there is a lesson in this for me. I knew there was but I was DENSE (still am). So I had to keep learning it over and over and over again.
I have been re-reading some past blog posts, and do you know what I realized? I don’t blog very much about my husband!! That’s mostly because I respect his desire to not be put into the spotlight and it’s not that I am choosing to disrespect his wishes today BUT there are some days that you have to give credit where credit is due.
I was doing some prep work for a blog post for later today and I was overcome by the amazingness of my husband. The things not everyone gets to see . The things this man does and I get to support him in. The things I am sometimes guilty of taking for granted.
His Many Hats
He wears many hats and God has gifted him the ability to do them well. He and I have been married for almost 15 years. We have 4 kids ages 12,11,alomst 10, and 7. One has Autism and another has a learning disability known as Central Auditory Processing Disorder. This is a huge part of his life but the other huge part is his calling to be pastor. We have been at our current church for almost 9 years. I have watched him spend countless hours ministering to people in some very unconventional ways. He has the unique ability to meet people where they are, work side by side with them and create a relationship with them. My husband is so dedicated to his call that he is constantly seeking to grow in it, to learn and grow deeper his relationship with Christ. I have watched him pour countless hours into people, to shed tears on their behalf and still treat them with the love of Jesus when he is hurt by them. He is a real leader who can lead without an iron fist or micromanage the people he is leading. He also takes time to to fix broken things at church. He runs errands for church. he runs errands for home and as I looked at the calendar page for October I noticed there were things missing from his weekly activities
Phone call
emails
texts
visits
people in crisis
emergencies
last minute meetings
Prep for sermons
prep for 2 Bible studies a week
And this doesn’t even begin to cover family things like convent care trips and the like.
He as a person
Though he will tell you otherwise he is intelligent and skilled in communicating the word of God. I have watched him painstakingly pour over God’s word sometimes changing his sermon multiple times to be sure to bring God’s truth, even if it stings deep within his own soul. and with that goes transparency of his heart sharing both from the pulpit and in private his struggles. He does not view himself as higher or better than another. He has strove to continue to grow in his education, that enables him to sharpen and fine tune his skills.
One of the greatest things about this man that I count as a blessing from God is his desire to do whatever it is he has set his hand to, and to do it well. Many people don’t get a chance to see this, but I count it a privilege to get a front row seat. To the countless hours counseling in person at our table, on the phone and via text message (yes that really can happen). I get to watch him wear himself thin as he goes from one meeting to the next, ones where he spends hours, days and weeks praying for and pouring over. I count it a privilege to Get to be the one who shares in his greatest joys and his deepest sorrows. I have watched him help others try to pick up shattered pieces of great disappointments.
People are important to Him
He makes time for everyone though that is rarely seen . It is done in secret to protect those who are hurting. He holds so much between him and God even I do not know all that he has been told. He drops his plans, and desires to run to the aid of another. He changes his work schedule to meet others needs and has done so, most jobs would have fired him. And this is why some days our grass is not mowed or the garbage has not been taken to the transfer station. He views our cars and home as not our own but those things belong to God, things to be used for His service. They are just on loan to us to be used for God’s work.
Care for our family
Most people don’t realize that he is the sole driver of our family. Something he committed to nearly 16 years ago when he asked me to marry him. He knew it was highly unlikely that I would never be able to see well enough to drive. So sermons are prepared as I take care of kids appointments, emails are sent and visits are made in-between all the craziness. He is an amazing multi-taskr. he uses every spare moment he can.
A week ago I posted this picture of something that is rare.
We had already
y picked up kids at 11:45
ate lunch
took headache medicine to the other child at school
gone to two parent teacher conferences
worked
sermon prep
The poor guy had a migraine. And had about a half an hour before we had to eat dinner and leave for Awana. When I posted the picture to social media it was about the cat. She doesn’t snuggle with just anyone. She likes him a lotAnd there were very supportive comments on social media. BUT comments came outside of social media that were not so kind. And that is sad. For a man who rarely if ever takes time for himself, who pours so much of himself into others. Who seeks to build community and build others up. Who gives everything he has and then some. Who bends over backwards for anyone who asks his help.
I am truly sorry I posted it….for the flack he has taken.
So Grateful
So for all of this I want to take the time to thank God for all that he does both the seen and the unseen. The 80+ hours per week for church the 10-20 hours a week for his other job and the countless hours for our family. His ministry is so far deeper than most can imagine, even within the community.
I am grateful that he loves us and takes care of us. Enough to step up and provide in different ways. that he makes sure we always have working vehicles. that he makes sure that we are cared for.
I am thankful that I get to watch. I get a front row seat to his ministry, our ministry together.This also means that sometimes the seats up close see the messy things too. Those moments when people are so wrapped up in themselves to see what is really going on. Im so grateful he includes me. so many pastors and wives live two separate lives. I saw it while we were in seminary. Couples who did their own things, separately. When I am leading Bible study, he is watching the ladies kids. He helps with the RGT conference. He has mentored young men alongside me at the Pregnancy center, reaching deep into the messiness of our community.
I am so grateful to get to watch him grow into the man God always knew he would be. It’s huge blessing to see him step out and try new things to gain boldness.
To watch him give his whole life to Jesus in service. That he holds nothing back. To sacrifice.
To My Pastor
In Short during this month dedicated to showing appreciation to our pastors. I want to say a great BIG thank you.
Thank you for being a selfless example of what a godly man should be, not only for our own children but to the kids who know and love you!
Thank you for reaching me every Sunday , and every other day what the Bible teaches. I love sitting under your teaching and I learn so much.
Thank you for teaching me how to show love and grace through the good, the bad and the ugly.
AND THANK YOU for asking me to be apart of this journey with you 15 years ago. Thank you for seeing me as God does, as a women with potential NOT just as I am a broken imperfect person.
I will gladly serve with you another 15 years and until God sees fit to call us Home!
I know I know, it’s day 2 and I am already behind. That’s because I have been wrestling with….you guessed it a lack of confidence. It has been something that I have wrestled with since I was very young. And I must confess right here and right now that some of this has to do with my personality and then some of that REALLY has to do with circumstances that have happened as well.
And that leads me to tonight’s topic, WHY CONFIDENCE?
Well last year at this time I was beginning to really contemplate my word for the following year. But life was about to get CRAZY! We went from a household of 6 to a household of ten. The circumstances of that change is not something to be discussed on the internet, but it was something both hubby and I felt very strongly that hubby and I were called to do. And to this day we will stand by that decision and we are glad we did! But in all of this I came to become glaringly aware that I doubted almost all that I did. But as I prayed about this new found fear that gripped my life I began to pray….HARD! And you know what I realized? It has ALWAYS been there.
Fear of doing the wrong things ruled my life.
Fear of making people angry.
Fear of disappointing people.
Fear of failure.
Fear of Failure to make the wrong choice.
Fear of ruining someone else’s life.
FEAR ran my life.
Fear is the antithesis of confidence. Fear gives control to someone else. HMMMM.
I cannot pin down the moment that confidence became my word in January of this year but I knew it two or three weeks into January when the lightbulb finally went on. Then came the study, searching out the verse that would become my verse for the year and I landed in the book of Jeremiah
Jeremiah 17:7-8 NIV
7. “But blessed is the one who trusts the Lord,
whose confidence is in Him
8. They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.
WOW WOW WOW
Did you catch all that verse said? Well Have no fear, WE ARE GOING TO BREAK IT DOWN!
Because this is so important for ALL of us to understand.
So That is why confidence. I needed confidence . But not just confidence in myself either. I have NOTHING to offer. Despite all my friends thinking I am the strongest person they know, That is a direct quote people . I stand back and I look at myself in the mirror and I see this weak, broken person who doubts every little thing. I needed a bigger answer. I needed God-fidence . It did me absolutely no earthly good to have confidence in me. I had nothing to offer outside of what Christ has done in me. I was fearful.
Now the thing is I am still fearful. I am 9 months into this journey. I have not arrived and I have to give that fearfulness over to God, and realize He is far bigger than me.
So even though I lack confidence when …
I am fearful, He is all-knowing and all-powerful
I am weak, He is strong.
I fail, he ALWAYS succeeds.
I am not enough for whoever, He is always enough for everyone AT ALL TIMES!
I am imperfect, He is perfect.
And there is so much more.
I know this word places a high value on self-confidence. Even the church does. Because only the self-confident will stand up for themselves. But I am here to tell you that standing up for yourself, tearing another person down to get your point across and voicing your pet peeves is NOT a biblical principle.( NOTE:: There is a difference between fighting for your ” self imposed rights” versus your physical safety. If you find yourself in danger LEAVE!!). Fight for what God says is right not what you think should be right! That is called entitlement.
Time and again we are told not to fight for ourselves but that God will fight for us.
Bible Knowledge .Com lists out 29 verses that Talks all about relying on God to fight for us!
May I encourage you to look at the verses tonight and tomorrow. Then tomorrow we will delve into my verse for the year and we will be discussing what God-fidence REALLY looks like.
And then hopefully later tomorrow I will get caught up with Day 3 and we will look at the differences between self confidence and God-fidence.
Happy Monday to all my wonderful friends I wanted to say sorry I haven’t been around in quite a while I was reluctantly forced into a blogging break as we have been running into a crazy schedule and then (GASP) my computer kicked the bucket…for good! so I had to wait for my new one! so she is here and it has been so much fun getting aquatinted with her! you will get to catch a glimpse of her further down! Well I hope you have a wonderfully splendid week…I hear it is actually supposed to turn fall like by the end of this week!
So on with the Happy Homemaking
The weather::: HOT! As in the 90’s The hottest it has been all summer long (AND it is a few days into fall)
On my reading pile::: My Bible One thousand Gifts And a bunch of others
Movies or Shows I watched this weekend::: Fixer Upper
On my TV::: A Movie on PureFlix
On the menu for this week:::
Monday Cheesy Chicken Pasta Bake
Tuesday- Beef Stroganoff
Wednesday-Chicken and Dumplings
Thursday-Grilled Cheese and soup
Friday -Beef Stew
Saturday- sandwiches before the hayride, hotdogs after
Sunday-Meatball Subs
On The To-Do List:: What’s not on the to-do list. Life has been so incredibly busy that I just kinda feel like everything needs looked after right now!!
What I am sewing, crocheting, knitting or creating::: I am working on decorations for The Raising Generations Today Conference next month….watch for a sneak peek in the next couple of days…EEK I am so EXCITED!!!
Happening this week:::CRAZINESS…church haired. Bible studies at least three and RGT planning meeting and the list goes o and on
Looking around the house::: I’d rather look outside to be honest
From the camera:::
The new laptop and her lovely accessories
What I’m wearing today:::well I have had two outfits on today Both of which included my walk for Life T-shirt and I had khakis on for little beans appointment and then I changed into blu capris when I got home
One of my simple pleasures::: sitting outside. I don’t care what I’m doing but I love to sit outside and enjoy Creation
Bible verse, Devotional::: This week I will be meditating on my verse for the year
Jeremiah 17:7-8New International Version (NIV)
7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. 8 They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”
I know I know, it’s day 2 and I am already behind. That’s because I have been wrestling with….you guessed it a lack of confidence. It has been something that I have wrestled with since I was very young. And I must confess right here and right now that some of this has to do with my personality and then some of that REALLY has to do with circumstances that have happened as well.
