Life is a Journey

journey

I would like to sit here and think that today begins a new journey but in  reality it’s not new.  Life is the journey.  Yes at times we come to a fork in the road and we need to decide which path to take.  It is the very reason why I chose the theme for my blog to be walking by faith.  Journey is in the subheading.  and as I alluded to in yesterday’sblog post that there were somethings up my sleeve.  I have been thinking and praying and planning for the last few months and I have really needed to wrestle through some stuff. Things like :

Fear

Control

Lack of confidence ( this one strikes me as funny because  that was my word for last year.  ,

Once upon a time….Journey back in time

I struggled with intense fear.  Fear that left me curled up in the corner of my bedroom sobbing.  I had come home to no power and I feared what lurked in the darkness. The unseen,  You know what was there?  Furniture Thats it. .  I was as quiet as a mouse all of the time.  When we moved into a different apartment  a year and a half later I was pregnant with our first son and I quickly learned that the guy downstairs was on the creepy list.  When our oldest was born hubby and I praised God that he was too young to ask questions about what was going on downstairs, on many levels. I was still scared but now I could no longer  be as quiet as a mouse, because I had this youngling…and what do younglings do?  They Cry.  Sometimes a lot. But in my heart my thought was what  if that creepy guy comes up stairs……?  Then one day!  He did.  I was standing at the sink tasing dishes and this insane pounding came . I froze.  He yelled Get out, the Apartment is on fire.  Wait what?   IS this for real?  Sure enough  I picked up our newborn son and scrambled down the stairs.  It was filled with smoke, firetrucks everywhere.

Fast forward….the journey between then and Now

As I look back over the nearly 13 years since that day. I see an on again off again relationship with fear.  What was once an absolutely gripping fear of being alone…as in no one in the same house. I could be alone, actually I really liked being in solitude, just not in the sense of being left alone….and in the ONLY ONE, morphed into a different kind of fear.  Fear of people.  Nope not kidding one single bit.  I was afraid that I was going to get hurt.  There was a time on my life as a young mom where I was convinced that it was my job to be hurt…by people.  It was during that time that I had no friends.  I was home all the time alone and arrows flew at me from every direction..  Now This did not just happen once or twice.  there is a lesson in this for me.  I knew there was but I was DENSE (still am).  So I had to keep learning it over and over and over again.

Right now….on the journey

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