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Being Ok With Where You Are-Chapters 8.9,10

Posted on September 25, 2013December 4, 2014 by Mary

Well, i find myself writing late yet again. I have appreciated this oppertunity to share my story. I don’t mind sharing my story, matter of fact I love it! I did’t use to but last year at a Ladies Conference i realized that my story is unique, that God created just for me to share for His glory…is it perfect? No! Are there things that I’m not proud of? Most definitely!

Well let’s jump in at Chapter 8- Perseverence

One of the hardest things to teach children, teenagers and most adults is perseverence, but it is one of the most valuable! This was a hard lesson for me….it was at 16 …and even today at 33!

In 1996, my droctors had informed me three years prior, i was the youngest kid in the coutry with my visual impairment. At 14 I had surgery and at 16 returned. I had persevered through literally weeks of torture…but more on that later! There were coutless hours of tests, and allergic reactions to tests. And next to no support from friends and denial from close family. And feeling like God had deserted me….what on earth could be done with this blind kid! I felt worthless. I didn’t want to continue on…it hurt too badly. I felt as though i couldn’t go on!

I realize now, God wanted me in that place……Why? He, like the shepherd who trains his sheep by breaking its leg and then carrying it til it is healed, wanted to make an inseperable bond. One that beyond a shadow of a doubt know that i could ALWAYS trust God no matter what! I looked for comfort everywhere….God kept me from some pretty dangerous stuff. I was a prime candidate for drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, and many other things…..but i sought solice in art, music,writing. None of which I was very good at at the time (and the music i listened to was not indicative of peace either). But none of that helped. It wasn’t until i looked to God that perseverence was possible. I couldn’t have continued…it wasn’t possible

Fast forward to January 2013…..the last 4 months had been the absolute loneliest i had traveleed in the journey of life. Everyone around me was watching me, judging me. Fear was gripping me. I was scared. I was sad…..my hope was waning. Two major relationships were failing in My life had fallen in a heap before me.(Don’t worry my husband and I are fine) I had to choose between these two relationships or protecting my 5 year old autistic son…..and I was NOT liking where God was leading.. This was really going to be the hardest thing to date God has asked me to do. Now i cannot share more details than that. I know that this is not very helpful to you but i choose to show respect than to hurt and i know going farther would hurt.

For the last 9 months I have prayed, and wept longing for resolution. I had to make a choice and I chose my five year old. Was it easy? No way. Was it neccesssary? Absolutely! I am in full blown perseverence…here is my motivation….God has Mine and my son’s best interest at heart.. He loves me and promises me and my son that He would never leave us or forsake us! That is what keeps all of us in this house going!

Now heres where my story combines together…..this is where these two seperate accounts become my life on a whole.

Chapter 9-Live Thankful.

I am a reader by nature…i have no idea how many books in my lifetime i have read but I do know this……that one of my favorite book characters….and movie characters for that matter is Pollyanna. Pollyanna gets a bad wrap sometimes because nothing ever got to her, but Pollyanna is deeply misunderstood. Pollyanna had a rough life. She was an orphan, and then became a parapalegic. She went to live with a grumpy old aunt who was just doing her duty! Nothing screams perfect life by any of the things mentioned. And for the record when she found out she was paralyzed, she didn’t want to play the “glad game”. Even as a missionary pastor her father had to teach Pollyanna that even when life hands you crutches rather than the promised doll there was something to be “glad” about……she could be glad that she didnt need said crutches. This is a very valuable lesson to learn. Both as children and adults. We aren’t always going to get what we want but there are always things to be thankful for in the things we do have.

ie. I may want to drive a car but though i can’t, i can be glad that I won’t ever get a ticket for driving (it’s silly i know but it does make me smile)

Here’s another not so silly one. I can feel down about not being able to see well OR. I can be thankful that i can see tree leaves changing color, blue skies, sunshine and four freckled smiling faces! (You see I have partial sight)

You see I have hundreds of choices to make everyday….

I can either be completely unhappy with my life and the circumstances or i can focus on even the smallest of blessings and show gratitude to the One who gave me my next breath!

Chapter 10-Worship anyway

This is probably one of the hardest things to do when you are feeling alone and unworthy. Its hard to truely worship God when you are mad at Him for those really hard circumstances, but I will say this start with worship by yourself. Start with peaceful music, prayer, and your Bible but don’t ignore church. I know it is hard when it feels the entire congregation is judging you…trust me, i too feel that way as a pastors wife. Does it mean it’s true…maybe or maybe not, but go anyway……God knows this life is not easy. He knows its going to get tough before we do. In everything He is Worthy of worship! Even the hardest places you have ever been! Worship Him!

Thanks for joing me on this journey. This is the first time i have shared these parts of my live so publicly! I hope to do so more often. Please check out Stacey Thackers blog 29 lincoln Ave for more Being Ok with Where you are stories!

Meet the Team

Posted on March 30, 2022March 27, 2022 by Mary

Happy Wednesday Friends! I have been waiting on the edge of my seat for almost two weeks to introduce you to my prayer team. In reality, these sweet women have been praying for me a lot longer than when I asked them to join me on my journey. They are the only other 2 people on this website who I will use their real first names. This is just another baby step in me letting go of the “mental chess game” I have been struggling with for some time. And in giving up the game I am going to share about these two very special ladies. I can honestly tell you that without them the 100 Days of Choosing Courage blogging project I did this past August-November would have never been finished!

Why A Team

We were never meant to do life alone. We were made to need each other. This is something that God has been teaching hubby and I for some time now. It is why we chose the church we chose. It’s not just about just having a team either. It’s about having the right team. One that loves unconditionally and cares for each other and seeks the others best interests and growth over their own.

Who they are

Meet Beth and Steph! These two women! they amaze me. Each of them has quite the stories of their own. The really held me up last December when my health was turned on its ear. They checked in, they sent encouraging texts, and really listened when I was struggling.

Beth has been a LONG TIME friend of hubby’s family. Beth’s two sons played with Hubby and his brother at the same bible conference we have attended for many years. And now Her grandkids and our kids run and play in the same places their dad did over 20 years ago. Beth and I have connected deeply while at the Bible conference and our friendship has just grown over the last number of years. When hubby and I told her and her hubby that he was resigning from his position they came to us and we had lunch and talked. If ever I’ve had an iron sharpening iron friendship this is it!

Steph and I have been friends since college albeit not as close as we are now. We reconnected through a mutual friend and our friendship has grown deeper as well. We have kids the same age. Our families have a great time together and Steph has been a real light in some struggles we can often be found texting each other about some insanity one of our crazy children has done! A few times she has talked me off the ledge of frustration.

Why a prayer team

BECAUSE I NEED A LOT OF PRAYER! Actually, I was chatting with another friend who is another author and she mentioned she had a prayer team. We talked about what that looked like and the why. That was a number of years ago and I was not in the place to have such a thing. There is A LOT that goes into this but it just wasn’t the time.

Fast forward to this past August when I attended the Global Leadership Summit with hubby. To say I was sick at the time was an understatement Anxiety was an all-day everyday experience I was barely functioning on extremely low iron. Actually, the second day of the conference started out with my first iron infusion But during that conference, I heard a speaker talk about her 100 days of facing her fears. AND AT THAT MOMENT I KNEW…I had to face a fear…YES, ONE…..BLOGGING! weird right? I have been blogging for this insane amount of time and I was afraid of it. Well, that’s because I have been roughly criticized by people who I counted as friends. Those hurts caused me to nearly quit but I have this pretty amazing hubby who wouldn’t let me do that. Enter more mental Chess.

Actually, I had to face two fears. I knew I was going to need accountability and that was going to require me asking someone….and EVERY other time that happened it ended with me getting hurt HORRIBLY. To say I had trust issues is an understatement.

So I prayed and asked God who could serve as a prayer partner for this journey I was about to undertake. Steph was the first person I would ask and then a few weeks later I would add Beth. I created a text thread that introduced the two of them and the rest is history.

The Journey

I cannot tell you the number of times I hit a roadblock and one of the two of them OR BOTH would text me and tell me what the last post had meant to them. It would give me the shot in the arm I needed to keep going.

If I happened to be struggling with a topic or something I could shoot some thoughts off of them. And when that journey ended in November we still kept in contact via that text thread and we still shared prayer requests frustrations and other things.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I had a rather nerve-wracking meeting scheduled for a Tuesday morning. God had really made some things come to the forefront in my life and it needed to be dealt with as much I didn’t want to. I needed prayer. I knew Hubby would be praying for me but I knew that I needed o contact Steph and Beth and asked them to do the same. And they said they would…..but they like the amazing friends they are didn’t leave it there! They checked in later that night.

AND ALL I HAD TO SAY WAS……

“I wish I could have coffee with the two of you.” Their response was Let’s make it happen and within 10 minutes we had a date time and place. And this past Friday it happened. Steph and Beth had never met each other. It was amazing. I had never had something like that happen. And I spilled my guts. They listened. They loved, We laughed and we grew together. They know there are going to be some challenging posts coming down the line. I don’t know when. But I know that I can count on them to pre-read and pray me through and help me fight off the mental chess games I apparently love to play.

When It comes down to it these two ladies have challenged me to be the best me I can be. When I asked them to take on this role I had no idea what path I was going to head down next. I am a fairly content person. I am not looking for the next cliff to leap off of because we ALL know how I feel about Heights!! ACK!

But as We wrapped up Friday’s meeting I had something rolling in my head. Back in September Beth had read one of my Posts “When You Lose Yourself” and she said she thought it would work great as a book chapter (Beth has known for a long time that this is a HUGE dream that not very many people know about). She said she felt like it was the beginning of a book….and as I sit here re-reading that post I am dumbfounded. She saw something I didn’t and now….now I have more to add..more I didn’t know or maybe understand before

As a matter of fact, as I have sat here scrolling the text messages over the last 8 months a lot has happened. God really is so amazing at how he orchestrates things.

Thank you Ladies

Thank you for embarking on this wild journey that NONE of us fully understand we are on!

Thank you for dropping everything for me!

Thank you for your shining example of friendship and Jesus’ unconditional love.

Thanks for checking in!

Thanks for reading!

Thank you for making me laugh!

Thanks for helping me become a better Jesus follower and communicator!

And most of all thank you for praying!!!

Powerful Women of Influence: #31days2022

Posted on October 1, 2022October 25, 2022 by Mary

Hello writing friends! Welcome to the landing page for this year’s #31days2022 writing challenge. Right off the bat, I am continuing my 3-year series on Influence. This year I am focusing on the examples of both Godly and Negative influencers in my life. Now before you say “MARY! ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO CALL PEOPLE OUT HERE ON YOUR BLOG?” the answer is no. I will make mention the positive influences in my life and *almost * all have them have given me permission to use their first names here! the negatives however are more generalized. We all have “those” people in our lives and I will discuss more the impact they had. I will speak of the impact these groups of women have had on me rather than singling out one person in general.

A Little About Me

Hi, I am Mary! I am a passionate servant of Jesus Christ. I have been married to my pastor hubby for almost 20 years. A little over a year ago we left our ministry of 12 years and started on the journey of looking for a new place of ministry. As God would have it we ended up staying in the very church we opted to attend in the meantime. It’s been a year of changes. In May we transitioned from our old home to our new property where we have been transforming a barn into a home., all while “camping “in our camper..

Did I mention we have 4 teenagers (ok one will be a teenager in April). We are parents to two kids with special needs. One with Autism Spectrum Disorder and another with Dyslexia and Central Auditory Processing Disorder. The week before COVID shut down the world we decided to homeschool our 4 kiddos. It hasn’t been a perfect experience but the kids love it and so do hubby and I.

In my free time (Hahahahaha) I enjoy all things arts and crafts, though in this season arty things and writing has been tough. I have unintentionally taken a two-month break from writing and October is the time to get back into the crazy swing of things.

My passion and purpose here on this blog is to help women grow closer on our walk with Jesus and each other because really we are all on this journey together!

You can check back here each day to find the latest blog post and the links to the other landing pages from the previous 2 years. ( I will also link them in every day’s post as well.).

Introduce yourself in the comments below. I would love for you to join me on this journey!

You Can Check out more #31days2022 authors here!

#31days2018

#31days2021

There will be some changes over the next few days made to these landing pages so be sure to come back and check them out.

Find the posts here…

Hello and Welcome!!!

Posted on March 9, 2022March 9, 2022 by Mary

HELLO Myy name is Mary and welcome to my little place on the internet, I have been blogging here for about 7 years BUT I have been blogging in general for 15 years! YIKES. Feel free to poke around and get to know my home on the internet.

So who am I?

Like I said I’m Mary- I am in my 40’s. I am married to my red-head hubby and this May we will celebrate 19 years of marriage! We have 4 kids ages 16, 15, 14, and soon to be 12. It goes boy, girl, boy, boy.

We are an animal family too. We currently have 3 dogs and 3 cats and I know horses are in our near future.

I am a Christ follower. This is the single most important part of my life. Because if my relationship with Jesus isn’t first and foremost, the other areas of my life will and have suffered when I lose sight of that priority.

My purpose in life is to make God famous -to bring Him glory in everything I say and do. I’m human and I make mistakes. I fall short but the amazing thing about God is he is full of grace and mercy, He wants me to grow and learn from my mistakes. I am his creation!

And I am a pastor’s wife. Yep my hubby is in full time ministry. As much as this doesn’t define me it is an intragal part of who I am. We just left a ministry we were in for 12 years and accepted a position at the very church we have been attendiing since we left…..it was a God thing for sure and wasn’t on our radar! God really is amazing!

Let’s get a little deeper

I write for 3 reasons

For my sanity- I love to write. I have been writing little stories and poems and journaling for as long as I can remember..
It really helps me to process th things I am struggling with vs. what I am learning about. I am an avid reader, and sometimes the things I am reading hits a deep . And I become very passionate. Because I want to live a life of excellence in how I live for and serve God.
For the growth of others. My thought is, if I’m struggling with something I know I’m not alone. My goal is to help other women grow right along with me.

I am passionate about living with God-fidence…..as in confidence in God, rather than myself. I can’t do anything. I’m a flawed human being who has been saved by Jesus and it’s only through him that I can do anything!

I’m passionate about having a godly influence. So mach so that I have written a HUGe series on the Power of Your influence here in my blog and I have spoken to a group of women on the topic as well. I am a firm believer that we are all influencers whether we like it or not, it’s a matter of WHAT KIND of influence we are. You can check that series out here. (there are 2 sets ones from 2018 and ones from 2021)

I am slo passionate about living a life of excellence for Jesus. Now this has been a struggle for me personally over the last number of years. And even though it has been a struggle for me and I have fallen short doesn’t mean I can’t be passionate about it. Sometimes our greatest struggles are born out of our passion. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not confuse excellence with perfection!

Some fun facts about me

I (am)

an introvert- but that doesn’t mean I’m not a little weird or quirky. and that I can’t get upon front of people and speak
kinda a nerd…yeah I’m completely ok with that!
a creative…..in a whole bunch of ways
have been on a journey of learning how to paint…not very good but I love the process
have been a missionary as a fresh out of high school graduate and went half way around the world…which was also my first time on a plane
did I mention I’m afraid of heights
enjoy reading (I think I already said that)
want to write a book (can you guess the topic?)
know that I have a very specific calling for helping women and girls to bridge the generation gap.
passionate about women’s ministry
have been a mentor at a Crisis Pregnancy center
directed more plays than I have fingers
helped build/ design parade floats
served on a women’s conference planning team
have been a book reviewer for major Christian publishing company
have been legally blind since I was 13
We have two special needs kids
loved to play basketball
Heath bars are my favorite candy bars
love to cook
was a tomboy.
have eaten silkworm…..and liked it
have used a squatty potty and it’s not the type advertised by a cute unicorn
took every wood-working class available to me at my middle and high school
enjoy learning new things. BUT it takes me forever to actually take the next step to actually try the new thing.
am a planner
actually like public speaking (remember I said I was weird and quirky)

My purpose

So now that you have gotten to know me a little better here’s my purpose

Hebrews 10:24 NLT
²⁴Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

So let’s join in community. …..

to fulfill that purpose!

This isn’t just about me! I want this to be a safe place for us to grow together and help each other…So join in the discussion in the comments or you can check out my blog’s facebook page.

It’s my goal to make that usable and if you like the page you can get updated when I add a new blog post.

Thank you so much for checking out this post and my blog. I hope and pray for you my readers that these posts will meet you where you are ate! I hope you feel welcome, loved and seen.

Let’s get started together! You can start by introducing yourself in the comments below!

Life’s 5 Greatest Questions (Purpose Driven Life)

Posted on November 20, 2021November 20, 2021 by Mary

Hi Friends today we are going to tackle life’s 5 greatest questions. These are 5 questions posed at the end of Rick Warren’s book The Purpose Driven Life (Not an affiliate link).

But first a little back story

I started The Purpose Driven Life in 2019. The book originally came out while I was in Bible College and many of my college peers (including my future hubby ) had to read the book for various classes. It was not part of my reading so I just didn’t read it.

Over the years hubby and I talked about me reading it but I just never “got around to it”.

So I started it towards the end of 2019 but I was diving deep into it even listening to the messages that went along with each chapter. I was learning so many things. I couldn’t get enough.

I had been struggling with my purpose. That happens when you find yourself living in the expectations of others trying to fill in all the gaps. Things start getting cloudy and lines are blurred. What I didn’t know was God was using this book and the corresponding messages to draw defining lines for me AND for hubby. (he would listen to the messages right along with me. ) I couldn’t read the book in 30 days but I finished the book and messages not long after quarantine hit in 2020.

And this blog post got added to a long list of others.

I knew that I wanted to blog out my answers to the questions BUT……I knew that many of my fellow ministry leader friends and fellow Christians didn’t appreciate the book. And so…I let my fear leave this post on the every growing list of posts that found me crippled by other people’s opinions.

And for the last year and a half this post has haunted me, eveytime I read through the list I would become even more aware that I was not CHOOSING Courage. Even over the last few months I have found myself saying “next week”. I would feel that twinge of fear and hear that echoing “BUT, But, BUT…and the excuses would roll around my heart.”

So today…

Today I am answering these questions. I am not going to get into negative discussions about the book or the author. These are my answers to these questions. These are the things I have had to wrestle through. And the person I have to answer to is God.

So here we go.

1) What will be the center of my life?

The center of my life will be Jesus. In everything I say and do I hope will reflect him being the center of my life. I know somedays I will make wrong choices BUT my desire is to quickly get refocused back on Jesus.

2) What will be the character of my life?

I want the Character of my life to be that of integrity and purity. Choosing what is right over what is easy. Not looking for my own profit or gain but seeking to be honorable in all that I say and do.

3) What will be the contribution of my life?

I want my life contribution to be that of a godly influence to everyone within my sphere of influence. I don’t just want to be good . I want to impact Christians and help them reach their full potential rather than live a life of mediocrity. I want to help Christians choose excellence rather than living in name only, seeing that their lives are fully devoted to Christ rather than only bits and pieces through this blog and personal interactions and teaching.

4) What will be the communication of my life?

First and foremost the gospel but then to believers to commit living a life of better Jesus followers. Sharing with other believers how to live more like Jesus and encouraging each other to grow in our walk with Him,

5) What will the community of my life be?

First and foremost my family. These are the people I do life with the most. But then it is my connect group, some close friends and my church family and those I serve with as well as my community here on my blog.

THIS IS MY SPERE OF INFLUENCE!

It took me all of 30 minutes to write this blog post and nearly a year and a half to gather the courage to do so.

Thank you so much for joining me on this journey. Have you read the book and wrestled through these questions? Did they come easy for you or not so much? Let me know in the comments below.

If you are new here Welcome! I am so glad you are here! Please introduce yourself in the comments below.

Fell free to check out the rest of the posts in the Choosing Courage 100 day blogging project!