As we journey together “let us think of ways to motivate one another in acts of love and good works”(Hebrews 10:24 NLT)

The Dripping Faucet- Nag Nag Nag

This is our first Negative woman of influence: the Nagging wife/ Woman. I’m going to use them interchangeably. This isn’t just a wife problem. Again as a reminder when I say “Woman” in these scenarios I am not talking about a specific woman but a conglomeration of women. The dripping faucet woman is talked about numerous times in Proverbs.

In Proverbs we are told it is better to dwell in the desert alone than with a quarrelsome/ nagging wife (21:19), to dwell in an attic alone than with a nagging wife (25:24, 21:9) and that a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as a constantly dripping faucet (27:15, 19:13).

Well, that paints a picture, doesn’t it? Who wants THAT kind of influence in their lives? Better yet, who wants to be THAT kind of influence in someone else’s life?

I know I don’t but yet we all have those people who can just drip, drip, drip. They like things done within their timetable, how they want it done and the list goes on and on. If you don’t do it to their liking they will continue drip, drip, dripping until you do.

“What if I’m the dripping faucet?”

I’m sure we can all admit that we have all fit into this description at some point because we are all selfish humans at our core. However, it doesn’t mean we should be defined by it!

Ask yourself questions:

• Am I always complaining about something?
• Am I always unhappy with my circumstances?
• Do I expect others to make me happy?
• Do I live life with gratitude?

Now I know a lot of people who would say YEAH Mary I am very grateful, I never complain…

I smile and nod but I have also heard them say ” I’m blessed but here is how my life is crappy.”

I’ve heard women say ” Thank You for doing that I greatly appreciate it BUT I would really like it if…..”

Life is hard and I get that. I have had a challenging life. Sometimes we are tempted to wallow in that difficulty and our unhappiness and it is so easy to get caught in the muck and mire of our displeasure with our current circumstances. Sometimes Life is downright GROSS!

Whether it’s our husbands, kids, friends, Bible study group, or just acquaintances we can literally push people to the desert, attic, or the corner of a roof! Putting all of our focus on our frustrations, irritations, and troubles…..hurts our relationships or potential relationships.

So what can we do about it?

#1 FLIP THE FOCUS! So many times we are all focused on ourselves and we miss what is going on in our friends and family’s lives! Ask ourselves “when was the last time I really asked my—– how they were doing and really listened? Do I cut people off because my—– is more important?

#2 Practice Gratitude! In the month of November, we are going to take 4 weeks to focus on Prayer. And weeks 3 will be all about gratitude. I know there have been times when I have been praying and thanking God for something and I catch myself saying “thank you Lord for the……But can you…..”

People, I am here to tell you that is NOT real gratitude. To God, spouses, and friends…..ANYONE!

#3 Change expectations- Realize that only true happiness and Satisfaction come from Jesus and no matter how much we want other people to make us feel complete, happy, and love they can’t. It’s impossible and what you are really expecting them to be is God! They are human. They can’t handle that kind of pressure and will crack under it. Our people love us, they just don’t have God-sized shoulders for that kind of pressure.

Just a note:

when we let them know that they have fallen short it pushes them deeper into the attic, farther to the corner of the roof, and deeper into the desert because they know 2 things:

#1 They can’t meet your expectations.

#2. They know we don’t care about them. (if we did we wouldn’t have those unrealistic expectations, be self-focused, and be ungrateful)

We have the power of changing our negative influence if we fit this nagging woman profile. Will it be easy? Not a chance, because Satan wants us to stay self-focused. We need to ask ourselves “what Kind of influence do we want to have? ” Do we want to drive the people we love to the roof, attic, or desert? OR, do we want to speak life-giving words and influence their lives for God?

SIDE NOTE: Does this mean we should live a fake life where we pretend everything is fantastic? NOPE. Teres nothing wrong with sharing our struggles and being real with where we are. It is when we begin to dominate that it becomes a problem

It’s your turn

How has the nagging woman influenced your life?

Do you struggle with nagging?

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We have spent a Whole LOT of time here on this blog talking about Esther! It’s no secret this orphan girl turned queen has greatly impacted my life! You can check out her other posts here.

ESTHER’s Story

At the beginning of her story, we see a girl whose parents have died and who is being raised by her cousin Mordecai. Then She is kidnapped, and taken to the king’s harem, where she will never be able to leave. She is given a year’s beauty treatments for one night with the king.

Did I mention she was a Jew who along with hundreds of others were exiled from Israel to Media -Persia? No? OOPS! Now that her night with the king was upon her, she was about to face another possible exile. If she didn’t please the king and he chose her as his wife, she would be sent to spend the rest of her life with the rest of the king’s concubines and she would remain there until her dying day.-OR- the king asked for her by name. (Fat chance of that happening.)

She was chosen.

Soon after that though another devastating blow would come. A man by the name of Haman wanted to kill ALL the Jews. This meant that Esther would be executed as well. He had gained permission from the king to make it happen!

Esther a seemingly insignificant girl had to choose bravery in every step of her journey. God had a much bigger plan to use Esther for…for such a time as this!

I so want THAT kind of bravery, to say ” for such a time as this” in whatever circumstances I find myself in! I want to be ready when God says “Mary, I have been preparing you for such a time as this!” and just like Esther, there will be many of those moments!

How about You?

Who has influenced you with their bravery? Let me know in the comments below.

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Hi Friends! You have met Beth before in this post. Beth is a part of my prayer team for this blog and my ministry. I met Beth at my wedding ..NO JOKE!

She has been friends with my hubby’s family for literally decades!

Actually they met at a Bible Conference in western NYthat we have frequented throughout our marriage as wellHubby and his brother along with Beth’s two sons played together and became friends at that Bible Confernce

A number of years ago we puled our camper into a seasonal parking spot ta the same Bible Conferenceand were delighted to learn that Beth and her hubby had their camper across the road from ours.

Something MAGICAL happened!

A third generation of friendships blossomed. Beth and I embraced it! We planned special weeks with fun activities like tye-dyiing t shirts, games, Snipe hunts (that’s for another day- or google it) but the most fun was had when it poured rain and they just were able to be kids!

Beth and I had been connecting for years but as the kids got closer so did Beth and I. We’ve really enjoyed our friendship!

When I got sick a year and a Half agoand subsequently when we decided to leave our long term ministry positionBeth was one of the few people I called! She and her hubby cared so deeply for hubby and I that they made the trip to come see us, hear our hearts and just be there for us! They were such a great encouragement to us in such a dark time.

What made Beth so influencial?

She was real!I knew that she really loved me and my family!I knew she wasn’t going to judge and she wasn’t going to make it all about her! Beth et me share my struggles and my raw emotions. She spoke truth!

I chuckle to myself because I originally thought , Oh this is just an annomaly–the problem is I had always done this stuff for people but I never really had friends that did this for me. This may have been the first time but it definitely wasn’t the last!

It happened again this past March! All I had to say was I need you guys and she and my other prayer team member were there. I know that I can reachout and within a few hours they will respond and pray. She’s willing to share from her life but is so careful not to make it all about her.

NOW THAT’S A GODLY INFLUENCE!!

How About you?

Who can you call and count on? Who will come to your aid? Let me kknow in the comments below!

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I can’t honestly remember my first interaction with Tabitha (also known as Dorcas) in Acts 9. What I do know is her service to the widows in Joppa profoundly influenced me deeply.

She loved and served the widows of her town so much that upon her death, she was deeply mourned by so many. The influence Tabitha had on the widows carried through to Peter! So much so that Peter raised her from the DEAD!

Tabitha’s love and service carried through countless generations to this small-town girl from Pennsylvania and has been a lasting influence on my life. She is an ever-present reminder for caring for others. She met simple needs and served as an encouragement to women who had been devastated by loss on many levels!

I knew I wanted to serve like Tabitha- to have that kind of impact on those around me! That’s how I want to be remembered- a selfless servant!

It’s Your Turn: Has someone served in such a way that made you say “I want to be like them!”?

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Thie very influential Proverbs 31 Woman could also be called,” the one who almost influenced me right out of getting married!!”

NO JOKE!

A few short weeks before getting married I decided it would be a great idea to read a book on the famed and highly sought-after Proverbs 31 woman. What resulted was me in an anxious ball of tears feeling like I just would never cut it as this perfect wife. There was no way in God’s green earth I could ever achieve that status.

After my very patient fiance talked me off the proverbial ledge, we decided that I was to stop reading that book IMMEDIATELY! We would resume it together AFTER we were married!

The Real Problem

The problem WASN’T the Proverbs 31 woman though-. It really stemmed from faulty teaching both in my teenage /college years and this book I had decided to read. It was where lots of older women sent younger women to “teach” them how to be a woman worth more than rubies. The problem- IT’S NOT A REAL WOMAN!!! And it was NEVER intended for women!

This was a teaching tool used by King Lemuel’s mom. She used each letter of the Jewish alphabet to teach her SON what to look for in a woman to marry! Not many people teach the truth about Proverbs 31. Instead, we use it as some biblical checklist to attain wifely perfection. Yes, we can learn a great deal from her.

But we need to remember that she is an IDEAL!

Out of this, I have a bonus influential person for you:

As a teacher/ writer I have to be careful HOW I handle God’s word. It’s a hefty responsibility talked about in 2 Timothy 214-16 and James 3:1.

Teachers/ writers/Speakers….PLEASE I beg you PLEASE take James 3:1 to heart! Readers and consumers of Christian content- check what you read with scripture! Be careful WHAT you consume.

It wasn’t all that long ago that I was reviewing a book where the author was GROSSLY misrepresenting a book from the Bible. The sad thing was in the preface of the book the author said that she was untrained so she could handle the Bible however she wanted. Just because we aren’t trained doesn’t mean we get a pass to do what we please. If we have a platform we have to be EXTRA careful to rightly handle God’s word as 2 Timothy says. Notice how I said EXTRA careful! Even if we aren’t teaching or writing we still need to be careful how we handle God’s word. NO ONE gets a pass!

Sadly we don’t have to look very far to find these negative influences who are misinterpreting God’s word.

It’s Your turn

Have you ever read anything by an author that mishandled God’s word and what happened when you gained the right understanding? (This doesn’t mean someone preached or taught something you didn’t like)

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