Category: Family

Putting On My Oxygen Mask

Posted on by Mary

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Have you seen Mom’s Night Out?  It’s a movie that released a little over a year ago, right around mothers day.   It took us almost a year to see and my darling husband found it at a store and bought it for me……I LOVE THAT MOVIE.  Without fail, it makes me cry..Every. Single Time !   No joke and it usually is a different part each time, for it meets me right where I am in that moment.

The title of this blog post comes from that movie, and it is the very thing my husband said to me 4 days ago.  I was a bit uncertain about this week.  In all honesty I was having second thoughts about the entire idea.  My husband had this idea for me a year ago as we were making he decision to place our camper on a permanent lot at a Bible Conference a few hours from home.  We had no idea at that time what our lives would look like in a year and let me tell you if I had the choice to live this last year over again, Im not sure I could do it.   It’s only by God’s amazing grace that we have made it through with our marriage and family intact and I believe stronger.  Im still not ready to post about it, but it IS coming I promise.  We were hurt in some horrible ways.  Most people who know of our last year are shocked that we are still where we are.   And we had no idea that the decision to put our camper at the Bible Conference would lead to such great healing and respite for our family.  So here I sit.  IN my little retreat I have been completely alone for nearly 36 hours.  Im at peace.  I am feeling refreshed and renewed and I sill have another 3 1/2 days .  I have written and read and studied and blogged. I have rested ….AND BARELY SPOKEN TO ANYONE!  I have talked to my husband and kids a few times over the last day on the phone but that is the limit of my conversing.  It’s ok Im an introvert.  Maybe that’s why I needed this so much.

The premise of needing to putting on my oxygen mask is this…a quote from one of my college profs

seasonal specials

And that was the premise behind the overly long observation of the husband in Mom’s Night Out.   The dad travels A LOT.  So when he FINALLY connected the dots, the idea of the oxygen mask in the airplane resonated with him.  you have to help yourself before you can help someone else get their mask on.  I needed to take some deep spiritual cleansing breaths before I can tackle another round of insanity..    If I don’t have my relationship with God front and center, how can I possibly give my kids and husband what they need?  How can I teach?  How can I write to you?   My husband knew this line would resonate with me and it did…it made me smile to.  he told me  ” you need this, and you are going to love it”   He was right…..on both counts.

So I want to say THANKS HONEY, for cheering me on to do this, to go beyond my normal, to stretch myself and to feed my soul .  and if you happen to be a guy reading this  and your wife is looking a little…or a lot frazzled, why don’t you consider a way to encourage her to put on her oxygen mask!  and if you are a mom, can I just take a moment to encourage you to take a step back, take a deep refreshing breath and sit at the feet of Jesus. Turn your chair away from the chaos  that is where you are and face  it to a window.  I know what it is to not have the words to say, the tears flow easily and no words come.  I know that ache that makes you want to be sick and I want you to know that HE hears the very cry of your heart without  uttering One.Single. Sound.   he knows and he loves you  even in the biggest of messes!  Wont you meet him there He’s waiting!

2015 Word of the Year

Posted on by Mary

GREETINGS……AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I hope all is well.

I must confess all is not well with our family. We have been holing in secrets. But alas I cannot share with you (YET). The heartache that has loomed over us for the last 3 months and will continue to do so for some time. But enough of this for now. I want to share with you a couple of things for the upcoming year.

As you know last year I picked the word PURPOSE for my word for the year along with the verse 1 Corinthians 10:31

Well this year as I have prayed about taking on some added responsibilities and working on a conference team God has repeatedly brought one word to mind……. Continue reading “2015 Word of the Year” →

A Heart Lesson From Lot

Posted on by Mary

 

This morning as I sat and did my devotions I was  confronted with  a verse that chiseled pieces from my heart.  It’s not something I struggle with consistently.  It stems from low points, those valley moments.  Sometimes valley moments leave me wanting to hide in a storyline…I Love a compelling story!  It’s the girl in me.  It kind of tykes me outside of my circumstances and allows me to enter a land that has happy endings.   

It’s been a rough couple of weeks with our 6 year old.  I can’t fix the issues he struggles with.  I just can’t .  It’s not like a splinter.  You remove the foreign body, put  an antibiotic ointment and a bandaid on it and in a few hours it is forgotten….for a healthy 6 year old anyway.  And this week has been even worse because they have had no school, no school = no rigid routine.  No rigid routine= mass chaos inside this little boys head!   I’m still relatively new to this so it was a great insight into the possibilities for summer!

But all of that said, sometimes we need to step outside of our reality.  That’s why people like TV, MUSIC, MOVIES AND FICTION BOOKS.  and in and of themselves, they aren’t bad things

BUT. Sometimes, sometimes we get blinded by a good storyline and get sucked in.  We get blinded to all the peripheral sin going on.  And that is dangerous territory and that is exactly what happens to Lot as well.  Though his circumstances are slightly different.   The land he goes to is “good” but the people surrounding him are not!

2 Peter 2:7and if he rescued righteous Lot, greatly distressed by the sensual conduct of the wicked 8(for as that righteous man lived among them day after day, he was tormenting his righteous soul over their lawless deeds that he saw and heard);

Pondering all the false prophets I let into my life.  They may not just be spiritual teachers, but those I am following in my day to day life.  Do those people live like God commands or do they pay lip service and live another way OR does it blatantly go against God’s word and I allow it into my life to  numb my mind and heart to what God calls sin.  Lot does this by living in a city rampant with sin, he offered his daughters to the crowd, he had a husband chosen from the horrible city to marry his daughter. COMPROMISE, doesn’t just affect us, but our families as well.  We can see the effect of compromise on Lot’s daughters.  

 In our everyday life we make compromises.  Compromises aren’t necessarily bad.  It’s when compromise hurts ours our others walk with God, that it becomes horrible.  And recognizing it quickly is key.   It’s amazing at how fast this can happen especially at your lowest points!   

So here are steps to help combat this moments

1. Be in Gods word daily!  A new thing I added recently is listening to the Bible.  Some days are just too insane to add sitting for 10 minutes.  I can hide God’s Word in my heart by listening to it while I wash dishes, fold laundry or make dinner!

2. Memorize these verses

1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
AND
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

3. Put Pure things in!  Get lost in the Chronicles of Narnia, or Anne of Geen Gables, Little house on the Prairie.   There are positive alternatives out there. You just have to make the effort.  And if you are thinking oh those things are hokey or out of date, Well I promise you this in 10 years so will  the stuff you are into now!the point isn’t graphics, animation, cool effects.  Thats changes in this world so fast these days.  What matter is purity.  TRUTH.  

4.ask yourself  If the kids can’t watch it, Why? And then  should I be watching this?   And if the kids should walk in while I am watching this what would it communicate to them?   Would it communicate a double standard?   There are something’s that young children should not see…the news for instance, some documentaries.   Adult conversations.   (We didn’t let our kids watch the Bill Nye/ken Ham debate,not because it was bad but because there were sensitive adult subjects that an 8,7,6 and 3 year old are not capable of processing yet)

5. This new one I added after reading Courtney Joseph’s book Women Living Well!   Would I invite these people into my house to have sex on the couch in front of me and my children?   Seriously think about this!  This IS what we are doing!

It all comes down to this: : it’s a perspective change. We try not to let false teachers in but every once in a while one sneaks in. It’s a good reminder that despite a “great storyline”. Sometimes we need to shut off a TV show or movie, put down that book, and change the radio station! Because it may have a great beat, or a funny or compelling storyline but if the circumstances surrounding the storyline or lines laced into that great beat go against God’s word thaen we are not guarding our heart! This is not easy and convicted my heart as I am constantly reviewing why we do what we do in our family……does this fit into 1Corinthians 10:31 and Philippians 4:8-9

1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
AND
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

If it goes against these then we are in danger! Our children are in danger, because hypocrisy jeprodizes faith in the greatest of ways.

A Bitter Choice Made

Posted on by Mary

I don’t talk much on here about our school choices for our kids, but I have wrestled…oh how I have wrestled.

We have chosen a path for our children, one that was rooted in much prayer and I’d girded with much sacrifice.

I want to preface this with two disclaimers

1.  I have nothing against parents who send their kids to public school.

2.  I have nothing against parents who homeschool their kids.

So those two things being said, I expect understanding that we chose the path of Christian school for our kids.  We have received a lot of flack from mostly Christians about why we have chosen that path.  

It’s expensive…yep!

It’s different….Yep.

I’m not going to sit here and apologize for it either..  My husband and I are both products of public school.  I transferred my senior year to a Christian school.   It was by far the best year of school until that point.  I have a great group of friends that extend out of that….thanks Dave, Richie, Howie, Greg,Goldie Tom and Jeff.  I still laugh at loud at some of the antics, lunch conversations……and study hall mischief (Mrs H you were the best!). Were the kids perfect ?  No way !

But as we had kids and I tried doing preschool…..I quickly learned homeschooling was NOT for me!  I could do it, but that’s not what God wanted for me….I was miserable and so was Tornado!   Then we moved…..we prayed, we did our homework.  We prayed, we prayed and we prayed! AND WE PRAYED SOME MORE!   We attended parents nights and finally settled for what we thought we could afford.   

Here are some fundamental truths we clung to as we made this decision.

1.  God wants us to be good stewards of all that he has given us, whether that’s our money, our cars, our house OR our children!

2.  We should not put in garbage into our bodies, or minds.  We define “garbage of the mind anything that  goes against God’s word!

3.  That we must teach our children to love and honor God, in all that we say and do.

That’s just a few.  And when I say we settled, I really mean we settled.  It wasn’t the best choice for our family….it was the most reasonable!.  And we paid for it too!   Our kids were broken.   Even I as their parent was afraid of parent/teacher conferences..

I don’t know which was worse, the day I heardthe teacher of my two oldest screaming at the class down the hall, or the day they told us our autistic son was not welcome to come back!  

So we found ourselves searching.  This time with new eyes….eyes wide open….what school is best for our kids?  At this point we lived in a different district.  Evaluations were being done on  weasel, a one to one aid, Speech, Physical, and occupational therapy.   But our question was public or private…..a lot of people asked why not homeschool him?   

1.  He’s autistic…we have a lot of friends who do that, homeschool their autistic kids….BUT, our little UNsocial butterfly would be much happier not a part of a group, but it is far better for him  to be with people and learn social skills!

2.  He would be I eligible for help, and I nor my husband are qualified to get him past the hurdles he has to overcome in school.

So that left us with two options.

Private or Public?

Well we were still convicted on the three listed above but now we also had to ask, which is best going to nurture the mind of an autistic kid who can’t  differentiate between reality and make believe….OR ….at best accepts pretty much everything he sees and hears as truth.   

Now I’m not looking for a theological discussion on post modern philosophy.   I will just explain it like this….if it goes against God’s word then it’s not truth!   That’s our FAITH,no religion, not something we just pulled out of the air.  It’s our convictions!

So Christian school it is.

We are constantly teaching God’s word here at home.

The character qualities of Jesus.   You see a lot of people view Christian school as the safe education of their children.  “They learned it at school so I don’t have to worry about it here! At home!”  That is where we differ from a lot of people I guess….we look at school especially Christian school as a back up, a safety net.  A place that is going to follow through on what we are teaching at home and church.   A place I don’t have to second guess that what they are teaching is contradicting the bible and their dad ( a pastor) .

But now I find my self deep in sadness.  A bit of confusion because we were sure God was leading us to have weasel in this particular school….this school is great, but it’s not meshing well. Our other kids are very happy and are excelling!  But now I feel as though my back is against the wall.  I love the people he’s working with at the public school he has made great strides and improvements, but I can’t help the feeling that I am sending my poor defenseless sheep into hungry wolves.  To confuse him.  I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job protecting his mind and what goes in.  I know he will be taught things contrary to God’s word.   

It’s like a neat lady once told me you need to hold your husband and your children with an open hand, for when you are holding them too tightly , you may have to let go.   I have protecting him for so long now, watching every little thing that enters his body, whether it be by mouth, eyes, or ears….it is now that I must let Go and let God do the guarding and protecting his mind.  I must trust God….for I know not what else  to do!