My friend September McCarthy (who blogs at One September Day and is founder of the Raising Generations Today conference) wrote a book a while back called Hula Hoop Girl. You can find it on Amazon. (This is NOT an affiliate link) I think it is the first book I read on this journey God has taken me on over the last two years that looks so differently than I have ever lived. It has been a journey of letting things go. (Instead of piling things on and living at a level of insanity no person can handle
Ministries
Raising Generations Today coRelationships
Chores
and now something I REALLY enjoy.
I sit here tonight writing and I must confess….I. AM. EXHAUSTED. I like feeling exhausted…NO REALLY, it means I have accomplished something, however not my new exhaustion…not one bit. Matter of fact I hit this time in the evening and I feel plum tuckered out…and I feel as though the only thing I have to show for it is 4 children who are still alive. Three of them are VERY exhausted too, not of their own choosing either, their bus schedule is a MESS. (They have to get up at 5:30 to be on the bus at 6:30, then they get home at 4:30…) Yep that is a 10 hour day. Most adults only work 8 hours a day. the meltdowns and crabiness is unreal. They go to bed at 7:30 every night except Thursdays when we have AWANA. That night they go to bed between 8:30 AND 8:45. It is their only extracurricular activity.
God has really taken me on this Journey for two years now of just letting things go. Hula Hoops if you will. I have let ministries go that I was just doing because they needed somebody to fill the gap. I wasn’t good at that nor did I enjoy them.) I have let gardening go, because that is what was programmed into me that every good wife and mom does…..even if you aren’t good at it, don’t have time to learn to be good at it…and hate it. Yep you read that right. I don’t like to garden and for the last decade I have killed my back and knees doing something I dread….(not like high school and college where I killed my knees doing something I LOVE *basketball* !!
But tonight as I sat contemplating something that is begging me across the room, my planner, what’s more is it is IN my planner. It is my goals list for 2016. I am a goal driven person by nature. I have to-do lists coming out my ears and I work hard on them all. Its how I feel accomplished, like Im getting somewhere. BUT here’s the glitch….I CAN’T. I have moved past the stage of overwhelmed and now I am just being REALISTIC. This hoop has been a pleasure thing for me, but it has also been a part of my growth as well. So there are 42 books on that list…ranging from classic fiction to Great Christian authors whom I know and love. 42 books has been reached before. BUT in my current place in life I am only being realistic when I say I can’t…at least not now. So just like the heap of other hoops on the ground I’m tossing the hoop of my reading list to the ground. I can always pick the hoops back up again. I am pretty sure this one is the hardest though because this one I actually enjoy….I love to read. I love checking books off the list. Don’t worry though my title of book nerd will still be proudly worn. I’m not giving up reading…oh no, however there will be no list (EEEK did I really just say that?) I will be shooting for 2 books a month rather than 4 (there’s that Goal thing slipping in) and I will be choosing said books as I go….and as for the rest of this year? I think Im going to focus on finishing books Ive already started and a few new ones that have caught my eye (that I already own.) And most importantly I’m not going to stress. I’m actually going to take the lists out of my planner altogether. I’m sure that at some point in my life I will again pick up that shiny purple and green hula hoop and give it a go again but for now in this present season, it can sit on top of the heap of other broken worn out hula hoops and I am content.
Brokenness comes in all shapes and sizes.
Are you distracted? I know I am. I have been distracted for as long as I can remember. Think I’m exaggerating ?Ask my mom….NO JOKE. Homework in the afternoon after school I’d rather be doing a million other things besides that! Or how about my teachers, or you could just look at the comments on my report cards. I probably could have been diagnosed with ADD, matter of fact I bet I could pass the test for adult ADD, or As I like to refer to it as ADOS – Attention Deficit, OHHHH Shiny- Thanks Mark Hall from Casting Crowns (see his testimony for more explanation)
Notice how In that title of true confession I didn’t say VOICES…but then again sometimes the noises in my head sound a whole lot like voices…..the voices of my children, my hubby , the clients at the pregnancy center, my friends, my family, the newscast anchorman, advertisements, authors, teachers, pastors (oh wait that is my hubby) and let’s add my voice in there too. My voice that reminds me of that mile long to-do list, the needing to find such and such that has been missing for 3 weeks, books to read, notes to send, kids to feed….and the list goes on and on and on. and lets be honest MY VOICE tends to show up at 10:05 as I lay my head down to sleep, or at 4:30(Wednesday and Thursday mornings) OR like last Friday morning 3:30.It really never ends. Just as we scratch one thing off, another three jump onto the page. We keep moving.
