Brokenness comes in all shapes and sizes.
Sometimes it comes in the form of a diagnosis that we believe ends in no good for our future. I received such a diagnosis at ripe old age of 16. I had been diagnosed since the age of 13 with age-related Macular Degeneration. You may ask how on earth could you be 13 and have anything age-related? But the dilemma came with the type of Macular Degeneration I have. There are two forms, Wet and Dry. Juvenile on-set is Dry. however Age- related is either Dry or Wet, Well I have wet, and since the age of 13 I have had the eyes of a 65 year old. Minus a year and a half after I had surgery but I still had a shadow. An ever constant reminder that something could and did show back up again. At 16, or the month before I turned 16. All I could think about was the freedom that came with a car. Then I got scared. My freedom stripped away. Who wanted a damaged girl.? (My husband of now 13 years did that’s who.) What had gone wrong to make God mad at me? I heard nothing about grace in the church I grew up in. All that echoed through my head was countless Sunday school stories that said if you sin, bad things happen. And bad things happen, when you sin. I thought my life was over. And in all honesty there were days I thought about ending it all. I would be forever legally blind.
Then there are the phone calls people dread….all people. You know the ones, I’m sorry honey but Gram passed away. Did I mention that it was phone call #11….in a year!
And then there is the moment you hear the service coordinator (you have already worked with the previous two years) as you explain what’s going on (what you already know in your soul) as she says, oh Mary I am so sorry I think we missed it. I am pretty sure he has AUTISM.
Or two years later when you are standing in your church and your little boy runs out of a classroom yelling the most awful thing you could ever imagine……your head swims. Continue reading “True Confession: On Brokenness and Breaking the Silence….”
Are you distracted? I know I am. I have been distracted for as long as I can remember. Think I’m exaggerating ?Ask my mom….NO JOKE. Homework in the afternoon after school I’d rather be doing a million other things besides that! Or how about my teachers, or you could just look at the comments on my report cards. I probably could have been diagnosed with ADD, matter of fact I bet I could pass the test for adult ADD, or As I like to refer to it as ADOS – Attention Deficit, OHHHH Shiny- Thanks Mark Hall from Casting Crowns (see his testimony for more explanation)
Notice how In that title of true confession I didn’t say VOICES…but then again sometimes the noises in my head sound a whole lot like voices…..the voices of my children, my hubby , the clients at the pregnancy center, my friends, my family, the newscast anchorman, advertisements, authors, teachers, pastors (oh wait that is my hubby) and let’s add my voice in there too. My voice that reminds me of that mile long to-do list, the needing to find such and such that has been missing for 3 weeks, books to read, notes to send, kids to feed….and the list goes on and on and on. and lets be honest MY VOICE tends to show up at 10:05 as I lay my head down to sleep, or at 4:30(Wednesday and Thursday mornings) OR like last Friday morning 3:30.It really never ends. Just as we scratch one thing off, another three jump onto the page. We keep moving.
