Tag: Faith

When You Lose Yourself

Posted on by Mary
Lose

It’s easy to Lose things….Keys….wallet…….sanity. But you might be thinking Mary I always know where I am! As a kid it was a favorite thing for my family to pile into the car on a sunny Sunday afternoon in hopes to get “lost” in our own community. We lived in rural Pennsylvania where once upon a time cows outnumbered people and backroads were a plenty. We even had “special roads” that were only open during the spring, summer and fall. sometimes only summer depending on the weather.

We would always find some new and exciting road that led us to somewhere we already knew BUT it might be a little terrifying in the process. We knew of some hidden roads too. Roads that you only saw when you were on top of them.

It was fun to go on these adventures. There was an adventure to this sad old church. It hadn’t seen a congregation in decades. The cemetary itself was of the thin headstones from long ago. the plots of ground were sunken in where the wooden boxes had deteriorated and turned into mulch. It seemed as though my ad had no idea where he was going at first ut we quickly realized this was a purposeful trip. My dad wanted us to see something specific.

But Let’s Be Honest with Ourselves

As much fun as it is to get “LOST” like that as a kid- getting Lost is a horrible feeling. It’s one thing that both my brothers and I learned about in scouts. it’s a three fold process- 1). How not to get lost and 2). How to stay alive if you get lost. and 3). how to get unlost (yep I just coined that word).

Getting Lost without being LOST

Sometimes we can get lost without physically being lost. This means losing sight of our purpose which is 2 parts, 1) Loving God with all of our Heart Soul, mind and Strength andStrength and 2) Loving Your Neighbor as Yourself (Luke 10:27) I see Christians do this all the time. They compromise their beliefs for a moment of…..you can fill in the blanks. Before long they loose themselves and they start buying a lie that this is now who they are or that they can’t ever get back or that God couldn’t possibly love or forgive them. They also believe that they have to get back on their own (also a lie).

But It’s not just limited to our own personal Choices

The root of this problem are the lies we choose to believe. This is also the case when we may not have made the choices but the choices were made for us. Abuse, illness, an accident, some form of trauma, losing someone close to you, financial problems, mental illness and the list can go on and on and on. We might Geel like this is just how it’s going to be. We lose sight in Who God really is. We can take on the Victim mentality or feel like we are unlovable, unworthy, a failure…You get the picture.

Losing myself

Part of the enemies plan is to distract people from what they are called to do. When we take our eyes off of that we start believing lies. Lies that destroy so much. The enemy wants to keep us from our purpose.

Ever since I was a little girl I could be found writing all sorts of things. Long before Kindergarten I knew my letters. I have a very young memory of my mom in the bathroom getting ready for the day and I was sitting outside the closed door saying “mommy how do you spell……Mom………and my mom would patiently spell out the word. I would write it down. and then I would move on to the next word. I also remember as a middle school student learning that my cousin had this paper to write and I wanted so desperately to have a paper to write too. In high school I found a whole new love that I knew nothing about. Creative writing. I would get lost in my English papers. My favorite was in 9th grade. I had to write to a historical figure and tell them about some modern technology without using words that they couldn’t understand. The possibilities were endless andI was giddy with all the ideas rolling through my head. Clearly I had a bent for writing it was my happy place (it still is). It’s just part of who God created me to be.

The journey Continues

In College is when I hit a wall and gained understanding of who I was. Technical papers were the death of me. I was so frustrated. Now I know that some of those papers I could have changed a bit and gave them more of a creative twist (Kinda like that tabernacle drawing and our Old Testament timelines -I know Dr. S. “Charles Shultz had nothing to worry about”) Let’s just say the prof was less than impressed with our sheep angels complete with wings hovering over the altar- actually I’m pretty sure he enjoyed them.

It was during this time that I learned hat I need to write to clear my brain and that release wasn’t found in papers for class. Creative writing was a release for me The first two years f college I had lost myself actually I had been lost for a while but it became glaringly obvious. It was because I had bought into two lies.

The Two Major Lies

First was this lie that I needed to fit someone else mold SO I became a social butterfly. Yes I had friends in high school but it was different. It was the type of peer group I was in. What did they expect of me? I loved my peer group in College. They were great friends and I am still friends with many of them today. I became a master morpher- all things to all people. I slept a lot. I suffered from horrible headaches. It was just BAD. It was the first time I could explore the many possibilities of ministries too and I threw myself into everything. I tried to do it all and everything came crashing down. I was exhausted. I had no idea who I really was. I just knew that what I was being told is to be successful you had to be outgoing….do lots of things…..be good at lots of things…be around lots of people…..be this…be that……fake it until you make it. Now this wasn’t necessarily the school that said this. Tor my friends. But one group you said this is the ideal and another said that is is ideal and before long You don’t know what to think and you have the extremely unattainable checklist.

Secondly there’s that whole boyfriend thing- which is basically the something as above. And when those voices start in and you let them have control you get distracted from your purpose. And it’s easy to fall in love with idea of being in love.

The Influences I let have my ear were the problem

Between these two things I lost the sense of who I really was- I settled for what everyone else told me to do. Now I am not going to sit here and pretend that I knew who I was or what I was called to do going into college . I mean I thought I did , but I didn’t. I knew I was called into full time ministry and I knew I was supposed to go to the school I was at- and that my friends is all I knew about myself going into college. I had no real talents to speak of .

Understanding my true identity

I think one of the things lacking within the church at least where I was as a teen was fully understanding my identity in Christ and I saw the same thing in other people at college. Matter of fact it wasn’t something really taught at Bible College either. I think it’s the case of everyone thinking everyone else is teaching it. It can be talked about all day long but it needs to be taught. And what we end up with is the Devotions dilemma all over again. We use terminology without explaining what it means. So hundreds of kids hear about the concept of “doing devotions” but in the end have No idea what that looks like. And we can all sit at snow camp hearing about our “identity in Christ and how we should be rooted in that” but until we are actually taught what exactly that is – we go through life grasping at straws. And the two of those problems put together is recipe for disaster.

Finding myself

In college I firmly believed that my identity was in my serving NOT the act of serving but the actual specific ministry I served in. I didn’t know then -that this too was a lie because ministries come and go. I know that we are created to serve God and make him famous. But man when I had to leave that first ministry that I had grown to love so much I was devastated. Then I jumped into a bunch of different ministries that were NOT what I was called to do and I struggled. It’s like a rebound relationship really. (This is repeated later on in ministry on a much bigger scale.)

Practice

There have been times over the last 20 years that I haven’t struggled with knowing who I was. I was actively practicing the truths I had learned. It wasn’t easy but what I would later find out is this time was was a preparation for something that nearly killed us as a family. But because I had been applying those truths I was better equipped to trust God. I couldn’t trust anyone else. And as Much as hubby and I were on the same team it shook and tested our team. We too had to trust each other on a whole new level.

A Book that Changed Everything

A number of years later I read a quote that has stuck with me. It was by Renee Swope in her Book A Confident Heart. The quote at the beginning of the book basically says that when you go through something traumatic or a big change we need to take the time to pause and really strive to gain a new understanding of how this has Changed us and who we have now become. This was exactly what my damaged and hurting heart needed to hear. Because I had endured something horrific and horribly damaging and now had no idea how I fit into things: my ministry, my parenting,, society in general. So as I read her book something deep within my soul began to shift like never before and I gained this new thing called God-fidence.

I know that some of my friends think that I coined this term but I didn’t. It’s basically taking my eyes off myself and my own strength and knowing that God ihas got this and that he’s going to use this for his powerful purpose. Ad that meant that I had to be willing to use this horrible thing for his glory. When I did that God opened a whole new ministry- actually two. And I stepped through those doors and things began to happen.

Then the Enemy Stepped In. (AGAIN)

Whenever you take big steps in faith the enemy takes notice. And when he did, he used my biggest weakness…PEOPLE PLEASING. During this time I had stepped out in faith and done some things that were bigger than any ting I had ever done before The first one was something I have always loved to do- public speaking. Yep I am weird like that. God was preparing me to step out in His confidence NOT my own…I did and what ensued was me losing myself to the negativity. The second was being a part of a large conference (as in on the planning team) and the third was to work at a Crisis pregnancy center)

A Misplaced Trust

I had been pushed by people for a number of years to do speak and I was no way ready but through my study of confidence and then influence I knew it was time. I also had been convicted that I needed to speak truth when leading and I became unpopular very quickly. I struggled with this because I was told I needed to be more bold and then when I was it back fired. It’s amazing how quickly people can turn on you. And I let myself be silenced and I began the process all over again. I had to look deep within myself and ask the hard questions. I felt like a complete and utter failure. This was quite the process this go around and it came down to 3 things.

The three things that really changed my perspective

  • First I had to be in God’s Word- and not just for knowledge. had to be reading and searching for understanding- that which changes my heart- not just swells my brain.
  • Second I needed toast my friends to critique what I was writing and saying. Because I was blamed for being a certain way I had to allow people into my life who would keep me accountable for what I was saying. Even now as I write this I know there are two women and my husband who are going to read this and be honest with m. if Ive gone too far or if I’ve come across in an ungodly way. Considering all that had happened this was extremely hard because I had some misplaced trust before.
  • Third- after I had done the hard work of one and two I had a choice to make- Change the way I looked at y writing. I mean I kinda had this perspective before but It HAD to become more solidified if I was going to continue to write- I had to set aside the critics and not let them have power over me……and in that I have to ask myself two questions
    • Why am I writing this?
    • Does this fit into my purpose? (Hebrews 10:24)

And here we are Day 45

I once read that raising kids is a cycle. You keep teaching them the same lessons over and over again but in new and deepening lessons. Isn’t that the truth but the same is true in our lives. We just keep learning the same lessons over and over again in new and deepening lessons. It gets harder and so we need to keep practicing that God-fidence.

We all lose ourselves from time to time. We all go through stuff and it’s painful. In November We are going to dive into “Our Identity In Christ.” I have a mini-series of posts already in place. It is born out of years of learning this. I have definitely not arrived in any way on this Journey. I hit some major moments where this has been a mile marker in my life but each and everyday there is a need to practice practice practice. I am still working through many aspects of this journey. I know there are plenty of people who will tell you (and me ) they have arrived BUT that is a lie.
And as a friend so aptly put it this morning….we are truly never alone. God is always with us…He will never leave us or forsake us! It’s important for us to remind ourselves of the truths we know ….hmmm didn’t I JUST write a post about that!

A Spark of Joy

One of my favorite things is when talking with an elderly person and they share what new thing they have recently learned about God! It shows me that they are being authentic. They are willing to be honest that they haven’t arrived yet. And that is the greatest testimony of all!!

How about you? Did you ever “lose” Yourself? What changed?

Thank you so much for Joining me on Day 45 of Choosing Courage- My 100 Day writing project! You Can check out the previous posts here.

When the Bible Becomes a Textbook- Day 7

Posted on by Mary
Bible

The Bible A Textbook?

It’s a problem that seems to be growing more and more within the church. It’s more prevalent in college’s and seminaries where the Bible really is on the textbook list. I think a Bible was on every class syllabus I had throughout college except for Math class and maybe the two English classes I had.

When the Bible is taught on an academic level we need to be careful to make sure the Bible stays personal. We need to be sure that we realize that the Bible never returns void and that we can learn something each and every time we read it. But it’s not just in college and seminary, this happens in churches too. It happens when believers take in too much spiritual information. We do it in the name of learning but we forget that there is another piece….

Spiritual Gluttony

Are you a “FAT” Christian? There are so many spiritually obese Christians within the church. They sit in their homes and in Bible studies and they talk about how much they have learned and how much time they spend praying or studying God’s word. They can quote and re-quote God’s word . Yes we are commanded to learn and hide God’s word in our hearts.

That’s not the problem. the problem is when we as believers don’t use the knowledge God has given us through his word. And it’s not just what we do with it it is HOW we use it.

3 Areas That point to spiritual obesity

  1. Holding one’s quiet time/ spiritual disciplines over another person. When we think that our spirituality is greater than someone else’s we are elevating ourselves over others. We aren’t to think ourselves better than other people, no matter how much time we spend in God’s Word.
  2. Using scripture to beat people up. Misuse of scripture and hurting others also shows a lack of maturity in faith. I’m not saying we shouldn’t speak truth but oftentimes we forget the second part of that verse. We need to speak the truth IN LOVE. Not with the proverbial biblical baseball bat.
  3. A lack of spiritual growth. I once heard someone say “I’m not a very merciful person.” It was this person’s excuse to behave poorly and mistreat people. We shouldn’t wear our sins and faults as a badge of honor (more on this in an upcoming blog post). When we know but are not putting the knowledge into practice we show a lack of growth.

Right now our church is doing a study of the book Respectable Sins. And today in church the message was on harshness. And each Sunday, the pastor speaking answers a respectable sin with a Fruit of the spirit. Today the pastor said that fruit is there for us to pick and use as we need and sometimes we just ignore the fruit entirely. Wow!

4 Steps to keep us from Making the Bible. textbook

  1. Remember that the Bible is for us to grow. We need to take the beam out of our own eye before we can take the speck out of another. It’s called humility. Remember that scripture never returns void. We are to learn to become closer to Jesus and grow in his heart and character.
  2. Humility, humility, humility. Have a teachable spirit. Don’t forget that we need to not only take in the information, we also need to apply it to our own lives.
  3. Remember we cannot give what we do not have. You cannot tell someone else how to live if you yourself do not have Joy, Peace, Forbearance, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control.
  4. Practice the idea of a personal prayer closet. It doesn’t matter how much time you spend in God’s word just as long as you are devoted to him and have a teachable spirit. If you are reading God’s word for the sake of attacking someone, that isn’t a teachable spirit. Depending on the specific season of our lives we may not have the ability to spend longer in God’s word. Case in point: In December I couldn’t spend as much time in God’s word however, I grew by leaps and bounds because my faith was being stretched in far different ways. My prayer life was different, I learned to rely on God for the most basic of needs. And it taught me a whole new level of reliance on God.

A word about forbearance

Forbearance is a funny word- I have studied it before but I always forget what it means and then I look it up and I say “OHHHHHH”. It also happens to be what I have seen as one of the BIGGEST struggles within the church- patience and tolerance.

Tolerance is more than “you need to be tolerant of me and my ________”

Remember the “we can’t give what we don’t have”. If you cannot be tolerant of the music, or the children in church than you cannot expect to receive tolerance for whatever your preferences are. Did you notice I said preference? Sin should never be tolerated in church.

Confession time

I have struggled with this from time to time. If we are honest with ourselves we all struggle with this. And it’s that honesty that will make the biggest impact in our walk with God. Repent of our sin of mistreating others, misusing God’s word and give over that critical spirit to God and allow Him to change our hearts.

It’s time we realize that being obese Christians fattened up by all of our knowledge is useless. It’s only when we apply God’s word to our lives that it is at it’s most useful state.

How about you? Have you ever struggled with falling into the ‘Bible as a textbook as a trap”? Let me know how you have overcome it in the comments below.

Thankfulness Challenge: Fall

Posted on by Mary
Thankfulness

It’s no secret, I am a spring/ summer girl. I love the warmth/ heat and the beauty it brings. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. But there is just something about fall. Matter of fact I love almost all things fall. There’s only one thing I can think of that makes me really REALLY not like fall as much as spring and summer- THE COLD!

But as I dit here staring at the beautiful upstate New York mountainside I can’ help but feel a sense of coziness. It’s my favirite kind of fall day. it’s GRAY which mean the fall colors just seem to POP even more than normal. I love rainy days to begin with but rainy fall days where ist is still warm enough to go jacketless and the leaves are in full color and still on the trees is one of my all time favorite things.

I really am thankful for fall and the reminder that there is a season for everything. and fall reminds me that sometimes there is a season to give things up JUST like the trees give up their leaves..  And yet there is no garuntee that those leaves will come back over the last few years we have had some trees die over the winter months for whateverreason.

Sometimes we have to say goodbye or set aside something that we once loved for whatever reason. I am ina season of letting go of somethings. i have no idea of I will ever pick them back up again and that’s ok. Somethings are just in the “stuff” catergory. and somethings I should havenever picked up to begin with. Like helping with something I don’t really enjoy or something that is seemingly changing directions and purpose. Somethings are distractions and somethings could be a way of life. All things that require much prayer.

Now don’t go wigging out on me because We aren’t moving and we aren’t changing ministries! AND I am not stopping blogging though as you all know this was something that I have laid aside for a season.

And just like Spring is a season for new growth fall is a time for pruning back. it’s when we weed out the dead plants in the garden and we prepare for next spring. we plant bulbs that will pop up after the winter’s deadness.

Here are a few other things that I really enjoy and am thankful for

  • pretty leaves
  • apples with caramel
  • hot apple cider
  • baked goods
  • pumpkin spice EVERYTHING
  • hayrides
  • bonfires
  • cute boots
  • cozy scarves
  • ALL the smells of fall

And that is just to name a few. It’s the simple things we need to practice in thankfulness.

So it’s your turn:

What are you thankful for in this Fall season oR whatever season you happen to be in right now?

For more of my Thankfulness Challenge posts click here.

Fall
BLESSINGS,
Mary

Write 31 Days-Day 5- Esther’s Influential Attribute :Faith

Posted on by Mary

Faith

Yesterday we discussed Esther’s Willingness.  She was willing to do what was right and as we see by the end of the story she was blessed but more on that Later!  Today we will see that Esther’s second attribute that really influenced others around her was her Faith.  And this REALLY piggybacks off of the attribute of willingness and really they all do.   Faith is a choice. Transparency is a choice. Persistence is a choice. Action is a choice and we ALL know that being crazy and making the seemingly illogical CRAZY is a choice!!

Missing BUT Still Present

Ya know what though as we get deeper into the book of Esther we realize that there is a person not yet mentioned in this book.   Do you know who it is?  It’s GOD!  But just because God isn’t mentioned in this book does it mean God isn’t there?  NOPE!  God is ALWAYS there, even when He is not acknowledged, or talked about.

The {Faith} Struggle is Real

As I look back over the Bible and I take a deeper look into the people’s lives who are documented in it’s pages I see a pattern.   I see that they ALL struggled with their FAITH!!  EVEN JESUS did but more on that in a second.

So What is FAITH?

A few years ago I wrote that on the very first page of this super cute journal I had purchased- and then I promptly lost the journal.  That was the only thing written in it.  Fast forward a few YEARS later, I was organizing my book shelf making room for new books and there neatly on the shelf was my journal.  I opened it up and chuckled because of the question. I set it on the table  and I was determined to use it for my summer/ camp journal.   The next morning I opened this thing of beauty and I was reading my devotions ( I was reading through the book of HEBREWS). when I started Cjaper 11. My mouth fell open.

Hebrews 11:1 gives the definition of faith, as clear as crystal it says, ”

Faith is Confidence in what we hope for.

AND

Assurance about what we do not see.

!!!!

Esther’s Faith

Esther had confidence and assurance that God would fulfill the promises made throughout  the Old Testament.  Promises that He would protect His People the Jews.    She, though it was hard, trusted that she was put into this place  for such a time as this.  To be  the one used to save an entire nation from another Man ruled by his pride and anger.

But Esther had to battle through doubts and fears.  She knew that if she entered the kings presence with out being summoned, she would more than likely meet her demise much sooner than she had hoped for. And what good would that do her OR her people.  And yet she had to make a choice to trust God or Trust logic. to have faith that God would do what He said He would do.

Jesus’s Faith Struggle

Now before you go excommunicating me for hearsay, let me explain.

Jesus didn’t’t want to die!  Three times we see Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane toiling and struggling asking God to “Let this cup pass from me”. Matthew 26:39-46.NIV. In this passage He tells his disciples that He is greatly distressed and overwhelmed with sorrow and he asks them to keep watch and Pray with him.  I can’t even imagine how much more sorrowful he was when he found them sleeping THREE times!

In another Gethsemane account we are told that Christ was so anguished that He sweat great drops of blood Luke 22:41-46.

And in the end as this passage says the angel of the Lord came to Him and strengthened Him. and in the end He surrendered His will and says ” Not my will Father But Yours.  The struggle to trust God for His best not ours is what REAL FAITH is all about.

The Hall of Faith-Hebrews Chapter 11

Basically this chapter is a reminder of who God used and how.  They are a pretty Wiley group too.  They were not perfect.  they had stained pasts AND presents.   And the underlying  2 things about each one of them

  1. they were willing
  2. they had faith that God was who He said He was and He was going to do what He said He was going to do!

Hebrews 11:32-38 Msg

32-38 I could go on and on, but I’ve run out of time. There are so many more—Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, the prophets. . . . Through acts of faith, they toppled kingdoms, made justice work, took the promises for themselves. They were protected from lions, fires, and sword thrusts, turned disadvantage to advantage, won battles, routed alien armies. Women received their loved ones back from the dead. There were those who, under torture, refused to give in and go free, preferring something better: resurrection. Others braved abuse and whips, and, yes, chains and dungeons. We have stories of those who were stoned, sawed in two, murdered in cold blood; stories of vagrants wandering the earth in animal skins, homeless, friendless, powerless—the world didn’t deserve them!—making their way as best they could on the cruel edges of the world.

WOW!!!

The  “OTHER” Choice

I have been rather clear that each one of these attributes is an active choice.   You have  two options: Be willing or unwilling.  Have faith OR DOUBT!!! and let’s be honest EVERYONE struggle with doubt! And everyones doubt looks different.  Sarah Laughed when she was told she was going to have a baby at 100.  Thomas didn’t believe that Jesus had raised from the dead though Jesus had promised it on multiple occasions

Doubt is often used by Satan to keep us from influencing others.  

Doubt can be caused by many things.  It can come from people.  Or it can from our hearts, when we let questions  (Like Eve) roll around about God’s goodness, his love for us.  Did He really sayThat?  How can He love me??   We all do it but how do we chase the doubts out?

3 Practical Steps to chase out Doubt

  • Learn who you are in Christ- memorize these post the Scriptures  and place those answers Scripture in prominent places as constant reminders as to who you are are in Christ!
  • In her book Loving God with all Your Mind Elizabeth George recommends taking Philippians  4:8-9 and asking yourself questions based on this passage.  So ask yourself is this TRUE?  -Say that God is not with you during this trial.  Your answer should be No because God says He will never leave us nor forsake us in TWO places! Deuteronomy 31:6 and then the author of Hebrews encourages the Hebrew believers He is writing to reminding them of what is written In Deuteronomy in Hebrews 13:5 &6.

 PHILIPPIANS  4:8-9. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

  • PRAY.  this is not just some pat Christian answer.  This is  our biggest defense against every temptation we face.   This can be as simple as “God help my unbelief”.  Or it can be a fall to your knees, crying out to God,Eat Carpet type of prayer.  No matter what it looks like you cannot overcome this doubt alone.  You NEED God’s help.  Who better to help you break down your doubt THAN the very person in whom your faith struggles!

These three steps have become my hope renewers when my faith falters.   God has used these three things to bring healing to my people pleasing heart and has brought me to a place of understanding that I answer to Him.  Putting aside when others let me down and claiming the promise that HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME OR FORSAKE ME helps me to realize that He is the ever constant LOVE in my. life that  has NO conditions tied to it!

Let’s Chat:  How about you?  what doubts has God broken through? oOR is currently breaking through?