As we journey together “let us think of ways to motivate one another in acts of love and good works”(Hebrews 10:24 NLT)

In a few short months hubby and I along with our 3 oldest children will mark our 5 years in ministry at our current church…..little bean came a little over a year in!  And as much as I love this church, it is not my greatest joy or Privilege to serve them.  Matter of fact my greatest joy and priviledge isn’t a lot of things, but it is 4 things!

And here they are….

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No joke….they are my greatest joy, outside of God and my dear husband!  They are the four most amazing little people you will ever meet….if you give them a chance!   You see in the world we live in, so many people see four kids and think (and sometimes say) “wow you have your hands full!”

Yes, the boys are my biggest challenge.  They are also balls of energy! And most days are more than I bargained for, but  boy do I love them to bits!  

If I have said it once I have said it a thousand times.  

That’s exactly how I look at it to!   Most days anyway!  Truth of the matter is, I lost this perspective for awhile!  One person in particular was incredibly hard on our two oldest children.  And in two years time watched her destroy one child and in oneof those   two years destroy a second child.  The problem is this, I also fell prey to her.  I became overly critical and tough on these two sweet kids.  I became glaringly aware that  I was letting someone who barely knew my children to say how awful they were! As I journeyed through this last year and as I searched introspectively at my heart concerning my amazing little people, I grew sad for I had missed some very special and proud mommy moments, and for what, the judgement of other people who didn’t take the time to get to know them.

I regret that fully but, as I move forward, from this moment, my eyes are open watching for my little servants sprouting their branches and flowers!

So how can my 8,7, almost 6 and 3 1/2 year old ministry kids impact the people around them?   Well let me break it down by kiddo!  

Munchkin #1 is 8 but at 5,6, and 7 he chose on his own to attend funerals not just for family members but for church family as well.  He has made special friends with a young man in our church with muscular dystrophy, he drew him pictures, and attended his funeral when his friend passed away this past year.  He has made hospital visits with his dad, nursing homes visits with me, and wept  tears of sadness as elderly friends are graduated from this life to heaven.  He was “caught” this week wiping down the counters and cupboards in the church kitchen without being told to.

Little bug, at 6  attended her first funeral this year, also of her own choice, has made nursing home visits, loves on the elderly people in our church and most recently was seen sitting by a wonderful lady with Alzheimer’s who  was once a school teacher, and what were they doing?  READING!   She started out reading to Bug but by the end she was teaching her!  Helping her learn.  The joy on both their faces was beyond words….no one asked Bug to go keep this wonderful lady company…she just did it!

Then there is Munchkin #3.   He’s our autistic son, and yet he still blesses others, just through his smile.  Not a week goes by that people talk about him and his smile!  Do you know what kind of blessing it is that he even does that?  It’s huge for us.   And last week, he said during the worship time at church one of the most amazing things…..he had come off of a VERY tough week and we were sitting in the narthex listening when he took his thumb out of his mouth and said “i love God, I want to give him my pajamas”.  Instant tears….you see his pajamas are one of his most prized and necessary possessions.  They are so important to him that the feet have been worn almost completely off!  They are what he puts on right after school most days because they are “comfy”.

And last but definitely not least is Munchkin #4…..and even though he is not  old enough to do the things that the others are doing, he still loves everybody.  His smiles, hugs, and his newest encouragement “i miss you” melts most hearts.  

There is nothing like watching your YOUNG kids walk up to a grieving person at a funeral, wrap their arms around that person, whisper unprompted condolences, wipe away their own tears and say, I’m praying for you!   All I have to do is stand back and watch!

Or when daddy gets a phone call that interrupts family plans and he must rush off to the hospital….do they complain….nope, they suggest an impromptu family prayer meeting! For both daddy and the family concerned!  EVEN IF THEY DON’t know them!

Are they perfect no, but neither am I  but I have 25+ years on them, and if I’m not perfect yet, I have no reason to expect four little munchkins to be better than I.  

One last thing I have learned from these amazing little people.  Despite the fact that they get hurt by people (and yes they heard your impatience, your unkindness, your ungratefulness, your ungraciousness, your lack of care, your arrogance, your coldness) they still pray for you when you are sick, they cry when you are hurting, they still hug you when they see you and they talk about you like you are the greatest thing since sliced bread when you’re not around.  That’s called unconditional love and forgiveness.(And no you NEVER asked for it…they gave it because they are that cool!)

And that my dear friends is why I consider them my greatest joy and privilege!

Wow guys it’s been awhile!   This morning as I sat pondering where to go from this last week I must confess, I wasn’t sure.  I read something that shook my heart to the core….and to boot my mothers heart at that!

But first as I contemplated all the things that I now find myself wrestling with, God painted a beatiful picture!

So last week and into this week I felt like I lived in Mark Shultz’s song “Running Just to Catch Myself” Except for there was no running, more like hobbling……on crutches!  I was feeling pretty bummed about not being able to do anything and being in bed for two days and out of commission for four!   I have a great hubby, and he was such an encouragement and a trooper for helping out so much and the house was in better shape (not that it was all that bad to begin with).

But in the process of all of this, we were preparing for a workshop on churches reaching out to the growing population of children with developmental disabilities. But as I read and read and read, I stumbled upon a blog post that struck interest, unfortunately due to some of the content, I really feel as though I can’t share it.   What the blogger shared was pretty good, but it was the commenters, that were, oh, I’m not sure of the right words to  use!

There were countless explicatives used, specifically in reference to autistic people.   Two commenters in general have haunted me, from Monday morning to this very moment!   The first one generalized with” Autism is just an excuse for poor behavior”. (I removed the explicatives for the G nature of my blog)

The second commenter said something to the effect of “What no mom bloggers complaing how hard their life is .”

Ohhhh I have taken the last week to examine my heart, for two things,

1.  Am I making excuses for my child because he is autistic?  am I excusing his “bad” behavior?

2. As a mom blogger am I using my social platform to complain?

These are hard questions to answer, and in a way gave me a form of writer’s block. They also made me feel unworthy of writing on the subject….I ‘m not sure why but it did!  Have no fear though I have collected my thoughts and I am back!

First off let’s address that “excusing poor behavior” commenter.  We as parents refuse to let our child use his disability as an excuse to act a certain way.  He knows he is different, and sometimes tries BUT,   we are right there reminding him, that his autism is not a valid excuse, that being said, there are certain things that he along with other autistic children/adults can not help.

Just to name a few are: jumping, spinning, and rocking, also known as stimming; and then tics.  Tics, like that of aperson with Tourettes can be repetitive movements, or sounds ranging from soft, to extremely loud.   They happen for various reasons and to some are not recognizable as tics unless you know what you are looking for.   Our son for example, does hand flapping, but has also in the past screamed in short repetitive screams, clucked like a chicken, made a clicking noise with this tongue, a noise almost like kissing ( but not quite), repetitive sniffing, a very gutteral noise in his throat, and blowing out through his nose.  The tricky thing is, you can correct these, but they don’t even realize they are doing them.   That’s where tolerance and understanding comes in.   They aren’t harming anybody.  You might be made to feel uncomfortable but so are they….1) because they are in a setting that makes them uncomfortable 2) you are staring at them! 3) some people are commenting!   An autistic person is not stupid, matter of fact they tend to understand more non-verbal reactions.  (Except facial expressions….more on that later!)

We cannot correct our children in conventional ways…..if anything it makes them worse.  We have to 1) be very creative in finding out what works 2) we have to be taught!   I am a firm believer in the fact that parents need to be students of their children to begin with!   I also believe that discipline will looks different for each child!  We see it time and again.  The autistic child will respond to firm, but kind discipline, rather that too harsh…OR too sweet!  Take into account that most of the States in the U.S. Provide no help for parents of autistic kids. They are given a diagnosis and sent out the door with a hearty “Good Luck” and the parents are left to learn everything they can to help their kids survive in the world suited for normal people! (Let’s remember that normal is a setting on a dryer).   Our little guy just started recieving services….PT, OT and Speech. But we have yet to go through our 8 hour evauluation, which when that is complete will allow for respite care, help with insurance (because we’re talking 60,000 dollars a year average on medical expenses for that person alone) and even more classes like being taught how to read facial expressions (so “the look” actually works instead of them thinking you are making silly faces at them!) Until that point we are making due.   That being said, cut us some slack, we are on a HUGE learning curve!  We aren’t experts!

Even though our child does not understand social norms, most parents of autistic kids kill themselves trying to teach them that it’s not ok t lick people or things, talk loudly, be too rough, get upset and throw fits when things don’t go as planned and so much more.   It takes so much longer to work through the simplest of things, so when your condescending glance or comment in the grocery store, at the park or at church is made, we feel as though our child needs a defense, afterall they are struggling, they do have reasons, but the average adult should know how to guard their speech and behavior!  And yet they still say inconsiderate things!

So onto commenter 2……am I really using my social platform to complain?  This journey we find ourselves on is not an easy one.   A lot of people would be shocked to learn what a day in the life of Mary looks like.  The little bits I share, are for three reasons 1) to help others who are struggling, not feel so alone 2) to help others understand where we are at (otherwise known as transparency) 3) i need an outlet, and it helps me work through the tough spots!   Here’s the thing, my blog is a safe place, where I try my hardest to build others up.   Too many people slam others, and hurt!   That is not my goal, nor will I aoplogize for sharing my story that  could possibly help someone else!

I have tried my best not to complain about the things we are dealing with. Yes they are extremely hard!   Yes they will tend to drive me crazy….if I let them.   Yes somedays I want to run away with a circus because it would be less insane!   BUT in all of this I would not trade my little boy for the world! My hope does not rest in a cure for autism, my hope does not rest in quiet hours.  My hope rests on the One who promises to Never leave me nor forsake me, the one who said All things work together for good who love the Lord, and I will Do ALL to the Glory of God, and that means raising all my children, to not be good citizens but to raise Christ-followers.  My hope is in God alone!  I am so grateful to even have Weasel!  We have already seen it, God is using him in big ways.   I am blessed!

Today I am stuck….and boy do I mean S.T.U.C.K.

I sit here in my “Jammies”, foot elevated, and a gel cast.

Ick!

Just call me grace!

Yes I didn’t see the box of toys laying in the middle of the floor, and I was racing little bean for a nap! The rest is a swollen, painful memory.  I spent the afternoon/evening in our local ER! (More on the four hour toture later)

I hate being laid  up, not being able to do anything!   

Just the thought of it makes me squirm and then my foot hurts terribly!  Lol!  

But in all of that my husband is amazing!  He reminded me that some day i will need to take care of him.   It’s our job to take care f each other.  What sweet encouragement!  So yes it’s not exactly what I want to be doing but at least I have a great hubby as my encourager!  I love him dearly and is such a gift from God!

Yesterday marked the first day of October, but it also stands as our anniversary month of watching our son struggle like never before.  It began a year of sadness, loneliness and fear.  It was a year of rejection, battles fought and won. A year of bringing a husband and wife closer than ever before.  And a year of really knowing who our real friends are!

It was a year of this Weary mom being set free and has ended with her being amazed and truly Being OK With Where she’s at!   It has been a year of struggle and yet many blessings.  

We have watched our son change from an agitated, frustrated, little boy into a little  boy who is excelling in life, with very few meltdowns.  (ahem….i had to take a break to deal with one) He is learning at a fast rate, and enjoys (for the most part) what he’s doing.  It is so very hard to watch your child go backwards in stead of moving forward.  But God is sovereign.

How has our family changed?

Well for starters we live in a varitable fortress from the inside.  I am a helicopter parent out of necessity!  I hate being a helicopter parent, but I have learned how to know where he is and what he’s doing without affecting his independence!  Our home is entirely surrounded by a six foot high fence and there are alarms on most of our doors and windows.  Dead bolts face the wrong direction, and bolts and chains adorn our door tops! 

We are increasingly aware of what is in our food.  Where as i once didn’t really pay attention to this, i do now.  Red 40 is an absolute no no, along with cinnamon…yeah that has made baking fun, but rest assured, i have found a way!

We are very limited as to where we can go and what we can do.  Large groups with our son, can be….shall we say….intense!    Hubby goes to many meetings, church events, and get-togethers by himself.  It’s fristrating sometimes, but I would much rather stay home instead of forcing him into a situation that will most definely set him up for failure!   

I had to relinquish every single ideal, in parenting, ministry, family, marriage…..every single area had to be re-evaluated and changed. Out of everything other than giving my family completely over to God and trusting him with everything related to them was the hardest thing ever asked of me. All of it felt a though I were Abraham when God asked him to offer up Isaac as a burnt offering! It was one of those moments that i will always remember my faith in God grew stronger than ever before!

On a whole we need to be willing to change our own plans, wants and desires at the drop of a hat!  We don’t let him dictate our family lives but in the words of my friend Noelle, “You will become a student of——.  You will be able to read his cuesand know  what and when he can and can’t handle.”

She was so right, but there are times when we think he is going to have an absolutely terrible day, and it turns out that it was his best day yet!

We knew at the beginning that this must have a purpose, but we had no idea what. God knew all along.  As of the end of this month, hubby and I will do our first workshop for ministry leaders, on how to reach families, and minister to kids with developemental disabilities.  As we embark on this sometimes scary journey, we have seen  AND heard some pretty  astonishing (in a bad way) things about and from the church and developmental disabilities.  Our goal is to facilitate an understanding of how to help these families!  

Thank you for your prayers over the last year!  We have felt them.  We have seen the results of them!