Even if….I Still Will

Posted on by Mary
Even

Even if My world falls apart……..Have you ever had moments when you couldn’t see the promise of a better tomorrow? EVERY little thing was going wrong? Have you ever witness other people going through endless barrages of horrible things?

The responses can be so varied. And I am not talking about unbelievers. Unbelievers don’t know the hope of Jesus. I am specifically talking about those who call themselves Christians.

When Christians become victims

There are Christians who act as though they have no hope at all. Their hope is rooted in their circumstances nd because their circumstances are bleak they have no hope.

And then there are those believers whose hope are rooted in people. Their faith is carried on by their friends and/or family They rely on them to carry their spirituality . And when they are let down they can’t believe their friends or family deserted them like this. And their hope is gone. (The hard part is those friends or family more than likely didn’t give up on them but are going through their own hard stuff. They do what they can but they can’t always carry so much- nor should they).

Then there are Christians where the grass is always greener somewhere else. They always want more of what somebody else has. They don’t want to do the hard work to get there. They lament (aka whine) that they will never have what so and so has (these believers will generally compromise their standards to get what they think other people have).

The light in the dark

Then there’s another group- and this other group stands out above the others. This groups has fortitude. They choose to stand firm no matter what their circumstances are and choose NOT to be defined by them.

I love how MercyMe puts it in their song Grace Got You

Have you ever met those who
Keep hummin’ when the song’s through?
It’s like they’re living life to a whole different tune
And have you ever met those that
Keep hoping when it’s hopeless?
It’s like they figured out what the rest haven’t yetThe second you realize what you have inside
It’s only just a matter of time…’Til you sing, so the back row hears you
Glide ’cause walkin’ just won’t do
Dance, you don’t have to know how to
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Laugh, ’til your whole side’s hurtin’
Smile like you just got away with somethin’, why?
‘Cause you just got away with somethin’
Ever since, ever since Grace got youSo when you’re standin’ in the rain again
You might as well be dancin’, why? ‘Cause there ain’t no storm that can change how this ends
So next time when you feel blue
Don’t let that smile leave you, why?
‘Cause you have every reason just toSing, so the back row hears you
Glide, ’cause walkin’ just won’t do
Dance, you don’t have to know how to
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Laugh, ’til your whole side’s hurtin’
Smile like you just got away with somethin’, why?
‘Cause you just got away with somethin’
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Grace got youGot away with somethin’, bubblin’ inside of you
Spillin’ over ’cause your life is full, how incredible
Undeniable, monumental like the Eiffel
Uncontrollable, let the joy flow through – haha
Giddy, over pretty, pretty please
Let me see your hands in the air with you out your seats
Warm it up, let go, shout it out, celebrate
When you can’t articulate just say, “Amazing grace”The second you realize what you have inside
It’s only just a matter of (only just a matter of)
It’s only just a matter of time (just a matter of time)’Til you sing, so the back row hears you
Glide ’cause walkin’ just won’t do
Dance, you don’t have to know how to
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Laugh, ’til your whole side’s hurtin’
Smile like you just got away with somethin’, why?
‘Cause you just got away with somethin’
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah

Grace got you

I Want to Be that Person

I want to keep hummin’ when the songs through and I want to keep on hopin’ when it’s hopeless . But sometimes I’m not . Sometimes I take on the victim mentality.

Personal experience

There was a time when I gave up…I tossed in the the towel. I was just trying to survive. I have had so many conversations with women who have told me “I’m not giving up I’m just trying to survive.” I lost sight of what was really important. I wasn’t going to commit suicide or anything like that (though there was a time that I struggled with that as well- but that is a story for another time) but onecan give up on life without taking ones own life.

Giving Up

Giving up looks like indifference. We can be beaten up so much that we just give up caring. Caring about anything. We become numb to the world around us. We ignore our friends and family, we convince ourselves that they too no longer care. We project our struggles and insecurities onto them and assume we know their intentions.

We don’t take care of ourselves;ves. We stop caring for other people. Our relationship with God goes down the drain. Our homes are a wreck. Our mental capacity can’t move past our own problems.

And then we try to convince ourselves that we aren’t giving up. BUT we can mentally and physically give up- we can die inside. Our hearts can tun to stone.

What God Wants

God doesn’t want us to just survive. He wants us to thrive. He wants us to live life to it’s fullest and even when everything is falling apart God wants us to say Eve if things never get better I still will praise and glorify God with everything I’ve got.

What a powerful testimony. That’s something special. THAT”S WHAT FAITH IS.

Trusting God even when things are going horribly. It’s choosing trust in God’s promises even when we think it doesn’t make any sense, when we can’t see how anything can be possible.

When God is glorified and made famous through our struggles, when we choose to say even if, I still will, We are choosing a godly influence, it is the most powerful influence we can have. However when we choose to be the victim and we project our struggles onto other people, when we lose sight of God’s promises we lose that godly influence and we become a negative influence.

Have you ever struggled with this like I have?

It look a lot of heart work where I had to surrender my hurts and pains inflicted by people. I had tried so hard in my own power to move past those hurts but once I learned I couldn’t do it on my own and that I had to really pray through and study these things in the Bible my heart began to soften and I began to change. The problem is I didn’t even realize I was in this place. I spent weeks begging God to show me what was wrong.

God Cares for Me (and you too)

He over time gently revealed my victim mentality. And when I did that I could begin to let him change me. It doesn’t mean that this struggle doesn’t creep in sometimes but I am able to recognize it quickly and deal with it.

I want to continue on this path to continually work on these areas so they cannot take root in my life. I want people toes my hope and faith in Jesus. in the middle of my struggles- not just the struggles. I want them to see my reliance on him even in the midst of whatever chaos is going on in our lives.

Have you ever fell into the victim mentality where you weren’t really living? Have you ever convinced yourself that you weren’t giving up only to realize that you you had really given up whether mentally, spiritually or emotionally?

I hope that through this post you can see that there is a different way of looking at those struggles!

Thanks for hanging out with me today. If you are new here WELCOME we are so glad you joined in.

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It’s Not About What You Know

Posted on by Mary
Know

Have you ever heard the saying “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care”?

It was something I learned when I began working at the Crisis pregnancy center. I already “knew it” but I had never heard the saying before. It was our goal to show the women we ministered to just how much we cared for and loved them. It’s why they brought their friends and family back to us when they needed help. They knew it was a safe place.They knew they were loved.

We all know people….

I think we all know people who we meet for the very first time and they feel the need to rattle off all the things they know. Sometimes it is our nerves getting the better of us. However for some people it is a matter of arrogance.

They just think that they have all the answers, they see a problem in your life and it is their job to tell you how to fix it. These people will rattle off Bible verses and quotes from books and radio speakers. They assume that every issue is cookie cutter and they have the answers for YOU!

A Couple of Examples

So let’s say person A witnesses you have a struggle of wills with your child. The child is young and you are firm but consistent and you follow through. You did a fabulous job. Yes the child cried and tried to get their way, but in the end you didn’t cave to the whining. Person A is older and view themselves as much wiser. And they think that they saw some flaws.

So they tell you how you could have handled things differently. They don’t try to understand the circumstances and don’t care to realize that this was a simple battle of the wills. Sometimes people think that the goal of parentling is to never have a child that whines, cries or throws a tempter tantrum. Here’s the thing. How else can we know what our children hearts need? These are warning signals that there is a deeper issue that needs to be worked on (Ahem Negative influence traits- and yesterdays blog post).

Now a few weeks later person A is lamenting about the state their adult child’s life is in. How they are feeding off their parents and can’t seem to live life for themselves. So you ask questions and what emerges you see is an enabling of this behavior. So this person may have a lot of head knowledge but they A) can’t seem to apply what they told you to their own lives . B) They didn’t take the time to get to know your circumstances before passing judgement on them. They don’t want to be told what they are doing is wrong. They just want someone to care.

Their walk doesn’t match their talk.

Let me introduce Person B-

Person B in this situation is a person who has NEVER had a child but has all the answers (actually what they have is a bunch of ideals). They even MIGHT have some verse (usually taken out of context) to hurl at you. I have found that these people are usually teenagers, young adults and elderly people. They have a whole bunch of knowledge or so they think. And they aren’t afraid to let you know how you are doing it wrong.

What they know is what they think is most important.

Now being a parent of 4 very different children has helped me to toss out my ideals. Yes we all have them. They all sound like “My child will NEVER do that”. I will Never let MY kid do that”. (now there are biblical standards we need to uphold- I’m not talking compromising on those).

Let’s use a fun example here – TV

One of the big ones I had was “the TV will never babysit my child”.

Ok great there is great premise here. Until you are very pregnant with child #4 (or super sick) and you can’t move because of excruciating pain in your lower back. Your hubby is on a trip helping someone. Your job is to keep 3 other small children alive in the process. (Guilty as CHARGED) and ya know what my kids are great! Yes I had friends who judged me. They let me know their ideals and how I was failing in their minds. Ya know what would have been encouraging? Some sympathy, some grace and some understanding.

Knowing all the “right” answers isn’t always the best.

A child that changed everything

So ok I have these first two kids and we have worked through a lot (Child #1 was nickname Tornado for a reason). But nothing could prepare me for lay ahead with child #3. Child #3 has autism. I have shared this before. As much as my ideals were let go of with the first two kiddos, there were still things I held onto.

Then along came the little boy who changed everything. He taught our family to love differently. It took a lot for us to learn how to help him. And then all of a sudden out of the woodwork came all the advice.

  • He will grow out of it.
  • He seems completely fine.
  • You shouldn’t have him diagnosed
  • It’s a life sentence.

The funny thing is we learned a lot more from the little boy with big struggles than from those who tried to “encourage”. As much as he has grown and changed, he still has some struggles. BUT his influence changed a lot of people. Those people who gave unsolicited advice now marvel at him. They no longer say he will “grow out of it”. They now see this amazing kid who is loving and gifted. The no longer say getting him diagnosed was a life sentence, they see how much getting him diagnosed has helped him.

What cam from this experience.

We have a lot of personal experience with special needs. And so when I began working at the pregnancy center I was assigned people to mentor who had kids with special needs. I could have rattled off all that I knew and all I had experienced but I knew that this wasn’t going to be effective.

Instead I asked lots of questions and listened to their hearts. (I tried to treat others how I wanted to be treated) What were their deepest struggles. I asked them what they needed from me and how could I best help them.

Once they knew that I really cared I now had the opportunity to share what I knew and had experienced.

Don’t be that person

This is just one simple example. we can all think of a bunch of other examples of this. I want to continue t have that kind of influence. I don’t want to be that person who thinks they know how to fix every problem. I want to be that person whois going encourage and lift up.

But sometimes I have failed, we all have.. And when that happens we need to be humble and admit we have fallen short. That we have let people down and apologize.

Thanks so much!

Thank you for joining me today as we wrap up this journey as we learn all about The Power of Our Influence.

Feel free to check out the links below if you have missed out on any of this journey.


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Warning Lights

Posted on by Mary
Warning

Good morning and let me start by saying OOOOPS! WARNING LIGHTS was supposed to happen on Sunday after we finished The Negative Influence Traits BUT SUNDAY! Someday I will tell You all about Sunday! This last week!!! I was a tad distracted to say the least.

I wanted to communicate that when we get to the end of all of those negative influence traits and if we are seeing them pop up we need to realize they are warning lights of spiritual deficiency in our lives. As my husband I have talked about this, we discussed how we tend to blame and react to other people but what we really need todo is rely on Jesus. To focus on our relationship with Him. We need to work through these struggles with HIM. We CANNOT do this on our own!

We need to trust Him to change us and that starts with our own humility. Setting aside our rights, wants and desires. Recognizing this warning lights and then surrendering them to him is a huge step

The Big question

Do you see ANY warning lights that are blinking – indicating that something is causing you to have a negative influence?

Remember that it’s not about how many of these things you have it only takes one of these traits to creep in and begin to ruin you testimony and your influence.

Thank you so much for Doing melody!

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Let’s Get Practical: Putting Your Godly Influence to Work

Posted on by Mary
Practical

Hello Friends and welcome to the final week of #31days2021 writing challenge. And this week we are going to get PRACTICAL! We have learned what godly (good) influence looks like and we have learned what negative influence looks like. But it doesn’t matter what we know unless we put it into practice!

Influencers

When I hear the word influencer, the very first thing that comes to mind is what we today call a “social media influencer.” Being a blogger I have to spend some time on social media. Of course like all people who use multiple platforms we have our favorites. But there are people on social media who have thousands of followers (or millions) and they reach A LOT of people with their content.

I’m just teeny blog…I don’t have thousands of followers…I don’t even really know if I have 20. What I do know is that I have a few readers that through my journey over the last few months who have told me that my writing has helped them and their families. AND THAT MAKES ME AN INFLUENCER. But long before there was ever a blog…there was a husband, and a church, and a couple of teeny tiny kiddos and ya know what…..I WAS STILL AN INFLUENCER. We are all influencers because we all HAVE people on a daily basis that we influence.

Why I write

I don’t write to influence millions. I write to help that one person that might be struggling. I know I know I hear all the visionaries in the background shouting at me….dream bigger. I have big dreams. My accountability team knows that. BUT my purpose comes first. I am going to work with what I’ve Got to bring glory to God in all that I say and do and to help people grow in their walk with God!

Where you are at with what you have got

Once upon a time (pre-pandemic) I worked with a crisis pregnancy center. I loved it and the women I worked with. And on a few occasions I had the opportunity to share with people about the center. And it always amazed me how women would come up to me afterwards and tell me how great it was that I could do such a thing. It was the idea that “as a pastor’s wife you get that privilege and that I couldn’t ever do such a thing,.”

I’m here to tell you to stop doing that. As a pastor’s wife I don’t have some special gifting to do certain things. Yes I have gifts and abilities but I had them along before I was a pastor’s wife and even if I am never a pastor’s wife again I could still do what I have been gifted in.

It’s all about being willing

You just have to be willing to use what you already have. Often times these women who would act this way have powerful backgrounds , ones that are full of redemption grace and mercy. Many times it takes someone with a similar history who can relate to someone who is currently living a similar story. Someone who can say “Hey I have been there and this is what Jesus did for me!”

Things get in our way

Somewhere along the line we have fallen for the lie that only speakers, bloggers, missionaries or pastors families are equipped to do the “hard stuff”. (That’s what I have been told by people). God equips those he calls, So many people are called but they refuse to be equipped. Because they either think they don’t need to be equipped (arrogance)), they buy into a lie that they can’t be equipped, or they just don’t want to be equipped.

God wants to use your story- you are the only person who can share it the way he wants you to. He has given you a story, gifts, abilities and passion. You have to be willing to use it for his glory or it goes to waste. He wants to take those hard things in your life and turn them into something beautiful. And trust me there is nothing more beautiful than when he takes your broken places and uses them to radically transform someone else life!

The ONLY thing standing in your way of doing that is a willingness to let God use this broken places AND a willingness to learn from other people!

There is only two questions left to ask…..

ARE YOU WILLING to use what he has already given you? Then if the answer is yes- What is standing in your way?

I would love to chat with you in the comments about how God is working in Your heart on this subject! You can also email me!

Thanks for joining me today! I so love getting to know each one of you.

If you are new here WELCOME! I would love for you to introduce yourself in the comments and feel free to check out the links below!


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Silence- SOMETIMES Your Best Option (But not always) Part 2

Posted on by Mary
Silence

Hi Friends! So today we are going to finish up part 2 of my “silence ” set of posts. Originally it was not supposed to be a 2 part series but because of the nature of my week it ended up needing to be.

What happened-

Late last week I was contact by the Gastro doctor’s office to let me know there was a cancellation so my appointment in December could be moved forward to the 22nd of this month (aka Friday). Well I had no idea just what was in store …I mean I kinda did- but things changed, So I wasn’t prepared ahead of time for having a post prepped ahead for Friday.

Since being back on gluten for these tests I have been battling some serious brain fog and a serious lack in energy. Along with feeling generally icky.

All of this needed to be done in order to test for celiacs and another issue in relation to understanding why my iron is so low.

I had no idea that when I came out of the procedure that I would be told I shouldn’t post anything to the internet. I thought surely I will go home sleep off more of the anesthesia and be fine….HA NOPE! I woke up from however long I was asleep. I knew I was supposed to write about self-control…..Nothing -my brain was mush. I glanced through my list of topics and I knew that the silence post would be fitting.

I knew that choosing silence instead of forcing a post that I am pretty sure wouldn’t make any sense was the wisest choice. That post was super short but mentally was a very straining post to write. I got to the end of it. I attempted to proofread it and the words were all fuzzy and running together so I asked my hubby to proofread it for me.

What could have been a negative influence

Apparently it was a very wise idea to have him do that. There were some autocorrections that were definitely outside of my character. I made a choice to make a small post because I wanted to keep in the 100 day challenge and the write 31 days challenge. In someways it is good that I still chose to write but if I didn’t have hubby here to help me it would have been so much better to choose silence even for a mini post.

Why because that one little post could have hurt my influence. Even though no one really knew my circumstances, that doesn’t excuse a poor choice.

A Time to…

the Bible tells us that there is a time is a time to be quiet and a time to speak. (Eccl. 3:7) There have been times over the last 6 months when we have chosen complete silence, because we asked ourselves this question….

Does what we have to say build up or tear down?

Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)

29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

Matthew 12:36 (NLT)

36 And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak.

Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

The tongue can bring death or life;
    those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

11 So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

Romans 14:19 (NLT)

19 So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.

And I could keep going! Studying ones speech in Scripture is very interesting. And there have been times I have gotten it all wrong. I have kept silent when I should have spoken up and I should have kept quiet when I said too much. But sometimes we just need to revert back to that phrase that our moms taught us and that we taught our children ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

But Keeping silent isn’t always the best option

That doesn’t mean that sometimes we won’t have to ask the hard questions and keep someone accountable, specifically if they have asked us to- always choose kindness over harshness…ALWAYS. But other times our greatest influence that we can have is silence.

Choosing to be present. Choosing to show up. It’s amazing who has shown up for me in the last 10 months and who hasn’t. I know life happens and I know that everybody has their own stuff and I’m not mad but just as much as silence is sometimes our best option it can also be the worst.

Silence can be our greatest influence and it can be our worst. Knowing when and where to be silent is an art form. One I am still learning- one I fail at regularly.

Wisdom builds understanding

As much as we want to rely on our instincts in these situations we need an ongoing relationship with Jesus ad to be praying for wisdom in what to say and how to build others up. Is it about our presence or is it about encouraging someone with words.

A Challenge

I want us to be challenged going into this week to choose to build someone up. To choose presence and encouragement over critical assumptions and words. Not to wait for someone to reach out to us but to reach out to the other person first.

Sometimes we just need to be there and I am so glad you are here. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to stop by my little piece of the internet!

Feel free to poke around. I have a little bit of everything here and I want you to know that this is a place where I want you to grow in your walk with Jesus!

If you are new here check out these links below and introduce Yourself in the comments. I can’t wait to connect with you!


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