When I was a freshman in college I attended one of the larger churches in our area. I was super excited about being a part of this church’s drama team. For weeks every Wednesday night I sat in their auditorium watching the drama team practice various sketches. I never got to be a part of the drama team because I wasn’t a church member but those weeks weren’t wasted. I sat and learned and soaked in all the drama-y things I could. However, one night the sketch hit hard. It was of a person lugging around all this very heavy baggage. Stuff they were never meant to carry. Suffering, pain, loss. You get the idea. It struck a cord. I was carrying around a bunch of stuff. But I wasn’t about to give it up. Not yet anyway.
I haven’t thought about that sketch in YEARS. I have handed over all the baggage I was hauling around at 19. Every once in a while I will pick up a bag and sling it on my back and God as always gently takes it from me and I keep following him.
This last week however I haven’t been able to get this sketch off my mind. And it’s not because I heaved a bunch of baggage up from the past and claimed it as my own again. Nope. Instead I had this eye opening experience.
Two weeks ago I had surgery to remove a massive tumor from my stomach. Praise the Lotd it wasn’t cancer. BUT that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t something dangerous. I was carrying around a tumor that as I put in my last blog post was literally remodeling my insides. It was damaging me from the inside and it was making me sick. It affected my bladder, both intestines and bowel amongst other things. It required removal of nonessential organs and when I had a follow up appointment this week the doctor told me the size. It weighed 8 times its normal weight. EIGHT TIMES. (That’s including the tumor). I did some quick calculator math. It turns out that’s only 1.2 ish pounds. And my immediate thought was, “oh that’s not too bad at all.” And in the recess of my mind God whispered, it is if it’s not supposed to be there. So back to my calculator I went. .16 pounds is how much that organ is supposed to weigh.
It’s no wonder that grapefruit sized tumor was wreaking havoc on my system. My body was NEVER meant to carry around that.
Just like we were never meant to carry around the hurt, pain, resentment, stress and abuse of a lifetime. And yet we do. We shove it in the proverbial backpack of life and lug it around with us everywhere we go. We become a pack mule carrying all the crud we’ve decided we can’t live without.
The problem is we cannot carry all that around with us because if we do it’s robs us of our Joy peace and love. It will either keep us from having relationships with those around us OR it will destroy the relationships we already have. So what are we to do? Let Jesus do surgery. It’s not easy or pleasant. And we will come out with some scars. I would have had serious medical issues if I would have fought the Doctor and said no this is my tumor. I must carry my tumor. It’s my responsibility. That’s just silly.
That tumor would have caused kidney failure or disease or any other number of issues. This is my second time with this type of tumor and the last time it depleted my iron levels in my blood to “undetectable” and the doctors all wondered how I hadn’t had a heart attack- I was 40.
Well it’s just as silly to say to Jesus “sorry In going to carry these heavy burdens by myself. “. When you release those burdens to him you become a new person because you have space for the love, peace and joy that had been crowded out by fear, anxiety and resentment.
The doctor told me this week that “we really beat you up on the inside”. That was startling to hear because I don’t feel like I was beaten up. I actually have relief. The horrific pain I had is over. Let God take that pain from you…no matter what it is and Follow Peter’s instruction,
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”
1 Peter 5:7 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/1pe.5.7.NLT
So surrender whatever those bags are that are on your back or weighing down your arms. Resist the temptation to root through them picking out the worst of the hurts. Just hand over the whole thing.
Doing that isn’t easy. If you’ve been around here for a while you know there have been some real struggles. Some so heavy that the journey went through Federal Court. We didn’t surrender those burdens alone. It took counseling, some amazing friends and pastors and intense conversations with God. Whether your body or your heart needs surgery it’s going to take time to heal! Give yourself grace and ask for help!! Be real with where you’re at!
