Life in a Fish Bowl: Choosing to Get in The Bowl

Posted on by Mary

I LOVE BEING A PASTOR’S WIFE…..most of the time.  I love working with people!  Am i always good at it?  No not hardly!  Sometimes I make mistakes…sometimes I say stupid things.. But despite all of that I  know God loves me no matter what.   

I didn’t always want to be a pastor’s wife though.  I had other passions.  

Foreign missions was huge.  I answered the call to full time ministry at 16.  At that point I had my sights set on Germany.  3 years of the language in high school and German lineage!  But at 19 i said yes to somewhere else.  And for sox weeks after graduating high school a month prior i ministered within the 10-40 window.  An area of our world closed to evangelism.  No parents, no friends.  I embarked on a journey that would change my entire life.  Saying yes to God will do that!. At the end of that trip, holding back tears, I spoke into a camera sharing my love and wanting to return, but now looking back my sadness was not necessarily about leaving butI think I knew in my heart i would never return. (I’m not saying God can’t make it happen but there are things in life we just have an understanding about things.) 

so I came home,sad. 

Ten days later i was moving my stuff  into the girls dorm of the Bible College I would spend the next four years at.  I changed my concentration twice in the time.  I started in the ESL program (English as a second language).  During that time God closed a couple of doors returning to the country I had such a burden for.  To this day i still think on those precious memories and the very amazing people and I pray for them and their nation!

After yielding to God, i felt kinda lost.  Missions was what I had committed my life to but now , I felt as though God was changing His mind on me.  Now I realize that what he was doing was taking me on a journey to being a passionate person….not just about Missions but about HIM…..and HIS WORK!   

Next came the Youth Ministries concentration, and here is where a true confession comes in.  I did it because of a boy!  I thought I was going to marry him!   He was going to be a youth  pastor.  I was also serving in an inner city kids ministry that I loved.  I saw and heard some terribly heartbreaking and scary things and yet none of that mattered.  I loved those little kids so much!  I felt horrible the day we had to sit down with the head of student development and say it was too risky for students to participate in any longer.  When the relationship ended and that ministry was gone, again I felt as though God was changing His mind.

This time though something had changed in me…I think it was new found wisdom.  I looked at the counseling program, i looked at all the classes I wanted to take, I looked at the missions program again…only one thing made sense….CHURCH MINISTRIES!  It had the most non-required electives.  I could have a broad horizon so God could lead how He wanted rather than playing guessing games on what God’s will was for me.  I knew I was committed to full time ministry , i was open to anything…..anything except being a Pastor’s wife!  

Two counseling electives, two women’s ministries electives, two education electives, a couple Bible electives , small groups elective, youth ministries electives and all the required stuff all bound into one concentration…oh and a guy!   A guy who at the time I met him knew he would be pastor…..i also knew I would marry him, so that’s why I tried to fix him up with my roommate!  Lol makes a ton of sense right? Continue reading “Life in a Fish Bowl: Choosing to Get in The Bowl” →

sneaking Away: The Lost Adventure

Posted on by Mary

We used to do it all the time.  We used to go on adventures, spur of the moment…it was a blast!  But somewhere along the way we lost sight of those magical moments of family fun.  Did it cost us anything?  Outside of gas money and 24 hours no, not really! Did we benefit…Yes abundantly!

We rediscovered this fun this past weekend.

We had the week “off”. Though not really!  We had a lot of around the house outdoor stuff to accomplish, and hubby did just that, then one of our friends got married at our church, though hubby didn’t do the service, I found myself in a role I rather enjoyed…helping!  

Then Sunday!  Sunday was a dream come true!  A year ago a dear friend and local pastor retired to Florida.  A few weeks ago he  placed an open offer on facebook to fill the pulpit for anyone needing a break.  We jumped at the chance.  A few weeks later some church members approached hubby about doing a baby dedication.  Coincidentally it was the same weekend this pastor friend would be here.  EEEKK!  We have always wanted to dedicate our children but we are rarely around when someone is filling the pulpit for hubby.  We COULD STAY!  We could ask this dear pastor friend if he would be willing to do the dedications!  He said yes.  I wish I had pictures!   But I don’t! *sigh* but we finally got to dedicate mostly ourselves to raising godly kids!  It was special!

Weasel did great!  We made it through dedication, got little bean to the nursery, and the older three to junior church.  I sat in my seat with my dear hubby’s arm around me (A super rare treat for a Pastor’s wife!) and I listened attentively.  Even now it brings tears to my eyes.  That dear pastor friend took the baby/children dedication and used that as a reference to challenge us as parents and the church as a whole to raise godly children.  And as he addressed the church on how to love and encourage these children he added “even the little boy who marches to a different drum.”  That was it.  He was referring to our 5 year old autistic  son.  How true that is.  Not everyone is gracious or understanding or patient with him.  I tried to keep my face from doing that ugly scrunch up thing right before you burst into tears!  I quickly brushed away the tears.   My heart shouted AMEN at the top of it’s lungs (it is good my hearts lungs are buried deep inside my body).  After church we had those dear friends for lunch we don’t get to see them very often now that they have moved so far away!  What a joy!  What laughter i enjoy spending time with this lovely couple!  

We could have talked with them longer but they left and hubby and I were left standing in the kitchen wondering what to do next.  We had no plans, but we had the evening off!  I desperately needed to get out of the house.  It was all clean top to bottom, what to do, what to do?  Then hubby asks, “you wanna go to my parents house?”  Sure!   We hadn’t seen their new house and we hadn’t seen them since Christmas…..so off we went, lightly packed on a spur of the moment2 1/2 hour trip!

 

We got there before pappy and grandma got home from church ( pappy is a pastor too!). hubby got to help his dad with a couple of projects.  The kids painted and played, both inside and out.  Most of all we relaxed and enjoyed ourselves

It was a great reminder of how sometimes we just need to get away…..escape……do something new…..have fun.

It was a great reminder of the fun we once had on adventures to all sorts of neat places!  I think we may just try to be spontaneous more often!

the sleeping dlema

Posted on by Mary

A though struck me this morning as i woke up and snuck out of our summer sleeping room……i hope they don’t wake up so early!  “Lord please help them to sleep in today.” Was the prayer i uttered before jumping in the shower!  To my kids sleeping in is 6:30 am.  I have their father’s genes to thank for that!

 

Then it hit me….

As parents we want our kids to sleep in as late as possible, and right about the time we have them trained to do so, they are teenagers and want to sleep in till joon, and we aren’t happy because they are sleeping in!

 

Hmm this is quite thequandary 

Dear Weary Mon- How To Deal With Gossip

Dear Weary Mon- How To Deal With Gossip

Posted on by Mary

Hi, my dear weary friends!  I must confess that this week has been my weariest in some time!

Weasel, our five year old autistic son fell Tuesday while helping his daddy in the garage.  He didn’t fall hard but split open his knee and got 5 staples!  There is a whole lot that goes into that process but that is for another day and time!  Then there’s that pink antibiotic he has to take now to fight off any infection BUT. I cringe each and every time I have to give it to him!   You see red food dye is one of his triggers.  It induces screaming, verbal and motor tics, uncontrolled outbursts and on and on.

Matter of fact this was my post from  facebook yesterday expressing just a tad of my frustration,

“To the person who thought it was a good idea to put dye into the medicine my child needs, you and I need to have a long talk, AND YOU NEED TO BABYSIT!  Thank you”

But in all reality those are little things…it makes me shake my head to say that!   Anyway there was more to my week.  More that frustrated me, and what’s more hurt me far deeper than anything I have felt in quite some time.

IN ONE WORD-GOSSIP.

Not amongst acquaintances, not amongst church family, not amongst friends but amongst family members…..not to mention some of my favorites!  I really can’t express the hurt it caused,, but as the day went on and I thought and prayed, i the conviction in my heart grew to confront it, but how.   I never do that stuff publicly BUT this time was different.  At first my response was pure mother bear…go out and rip their faces of…yes this “little” incident involved a bunch of family members determining there was not a thing wrong with him…yes I know there are half a million injustices in this whole little scenario, but I’m not here to go into that…maybe later.

As i thought and prayed throughout the day one person kept coming to mind….Jesus.

Jesus was the most falsely accused person of all times.  He was SINLESS and GUILTLESS.  And yet he was still beaten, spit on and crucified.  He was punished for all of the things people falsely accused him of.

Now as we think about these things, how do you think that this all came to be?  Did a mob of people all randomly show up in the Garden of Gethsemane and decide to try him as a criminal?  No.  And we see that through the gospels as the pharisees and other religious leaders became more uncomfortable we see more talking behind his back.   “And the reasoned amongst themselves” , we see it often in the gospels.  They would try to catch Jesus up, they wanted to see him not  be who he said he was.   But amazingly Jesus always knew their heart condition, and could answer immediately.  I’m not Jesus.  I had to think.  I had to pray. i had to cool off.

The major question I had was ” how did Jesus respond to the back-biting, gossiping, all-knowing attitudes of those around him?”  The answer..calm, concise direct…almost always not directed at one single person but broad to cover all”

Ok so now i knew how to respond but the words failed and so I prayed and then about 7 Tuesday evening it came like a flood.  I posted it to Facebook and moved on.  

There have always been a lot of this through school, college and life in general.  I have been taught repeatedly to hate the sin not the sinner.  I have forgiven despite the lack of apology.  But dear weary mom, no matter your circumstances.  Whether the gossip is true or unfounded, whether or not you know about it. Gossip hurts, it hurts a lot.  I have cried those tears too. Especially when it comes to our kids, it’s hard. No one fully understands, they never can, but we can look to the one who suffered greatly for no reason.  He had no sin.  He didn’t retaliate, he didn’t hurt them, he forgave them.  He covered them with his blood.  He uttered “Father forgive them for they know not what the do.

I know it feels impossible.  But you can!  You can forgive because you are forgiven.

For more Dear Weary Mom posts head on over to Hope for the Weary Mom

Dear Weary Mom, Lay Them Down

Posted on by Mary

image

Dear Weary Mom,

Yeah you..I’ m talking to you..matter of fact I’m talking to all of you! Me too! This is going to serve as a reminder to myself as well.

I’m sure we have all heard of a call to arms, or a call to lay down arms but today I want to call all of you to lay down your ideals. Yes your ideals! They are holding you back, causing guilt, a sense of Failure, and discontent.

Ideals are rooted in perfection.
They may look something like this……

“My children will be potty trained just after they turn two”

“My home will always be in order when i go to bed at night”

“My children will sit quietly and read a book, while I talk on the phone”

“I will be calm and patient in every circumstance”

Do these sound familiar? I hope so! These were only a few of my ideals. I must confess that my ideals were a mile long when we got married.

Maybe your ideals were a large family, or a small family, or a family, but maybe that’s not what happened. Maybe you had a 5 year plan….with kids every two years BUT All of a sudden you find yourself 4 kiddos in 5 tears (GUILTY)

Maybe you had the ideals for your kids….they would talk by a certain age, walk by a certain age, read and write, college!

They are all things that we tuck into our head….some of them are dreams and goals, but at some point they move from just dreams and goals to ideals. And from there we somehow place our success and failure into whether or not our ideals are met.

Let’s be honest there is only one man and woman who had a shot at living the ideal, but they made a terrible choice.a choice that would affect every person born until Jesus, and every person after him! You see the ideal wasn’t good enough for Adam and Eve….and that is what we long for to have back (yeah it took me a while to wrap my brain around that one). I fight every day for the very thing adam and eve chose to give up.

That’s what the Israelites fought for in the Old Testament and it’s what the Pharisees demanded in the New Testament and it is what we lie to ourselves each and everyday for when we tell ourselves ” i can’t even get the dishes done, i have failed AGAIN”

This is where grace comes in….it’s not until God gave grace through Jesus that the ideal was met. Grace is perfection in Jesus. You won’t be perfect until you get to heaven. So Jesus gave you grace, you weren’t perfect before that, so embrace that grace to yourself, lay down the ideals that were unrealistic to begin with and live each day with one thing in mind…

In whatever you eat or whatever you drink or whatever you do , so ALL to the glory of God
1 Corinthians 10:31
(From memory. Emphasis added)

When this is your focus, those ideals seem to slip away and you know that you are doing your best…..and that’s all that God asks of you.

So today lay down those ideals….at the feet of Jesus, and live each moment to the glory of God!

For more Dear Weary Mom posts check out
HOPE FOR THE WEARY MOM