As we journey together “let us think of ways to motivate one another in acts of love and good works”(Hebrews 10:24 NLT)

…..and I promise they will, forgive them! We work so hard as moms to teach them, ” if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”  Usually this is all directed at siblings or little friends and/or acquaintances, but one day I promise it will be directed at you!  It’s gonna hurt..A LOT!  Then you are going to blame yourself.  You are going to tell yourself, “i failed my kid”. , ” i didn’t do a good enough job.”   No matter their age!  Whether they are 3 or 13.

This was a journey I had to endure a lot over the last year.  Something that I have endured with each child as they test new waters.  As we teach them respect, love and kindness.  And each one has matured and moved past this phase. Well all except one.  One who doesn’t understand life the way most people do.  At the drop of a hat life can change from a happy  fun day to a dark storm brewing in the corner of a room just waiting to explode for no apparent reason at all.  And whoever is in his path may just be in the line of fire of his brutal tongue lashing.

One thing we learned right away was to show no emotion.  Emotion fed his anger and frustration so in a soft voice we would respond, ” there is nothing you could ever say or do could ever cause us not to love you.”

So he re-directed his speech.  To God.  Oh this hurt a thousand times worse!  Especially since this little guy had prayed to be saved at age four before all of this started!  I doubted his faith as he went through this emotional frustration.  I thought to myself , ” oh Lord please forgive this little guy, he has no idea what he is saying!”

One day in particular was awful as i sat there holding my screaming, thrashing child….i prayed for strength!  I prayed for courage.  I prayed for help.  I started to sing…..amazing grace grace how sweet the sound…. He fought even harder andI sang   louder.  All of a sudden he relaxed, all the tension relieved!  I prayed out loud.  When i was done with tears running down his red little face he looked at me and said, “mommy i am so sorry for all the things I said.  I didn’t mean them.   I don’t know why I said them.” I looked at him with tears in my eyes and said ” i forgive you buddy, but do you know who else you need to say sorry to?”  He looked down at his lap and said “God”. And without one single prompt his folded his hand and closed his eyes and prayed the most eloquent prayer of repentance I had ever heard…from anyone…ever!  Let alone a nearly 5 year old Autistic boy!  At that moment i knew God  knew and understood!

My doubts were all gone.  I had a new understanding of forgiveness!  God will never hold his words against him….and neither should I.  Somedays it’s harder than others.  I have to realize it’s not my failure.  He’s human.  He’s gonna have bad days!  He’s going to sin, for that matter so will  I.

So why not be that picture of Christ to all my kids…not just the one who struggles!  After all they will all struggle!

The neat thing is now he asks for Amazing Grace and for me to pray out loud! And in that I have helped my son!

i know that this season is difficult press forward…god will bless!

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There was a blog challenge placed before me a few months back that I promptly placed on a to-do list half a mile long.   

As I looked back over my blog planner, it struck me that I had partially written it but never REALLY completed it. AND. Since this years goals have all been based around finishing what I have already started I decided to go ahead and finish this somewhat daunting task.

Dear Mary,

Life has not handed you things on a platter.  You have had to experience things in  the past 13 years of your life that people will never experience in their lifetime.  The thing is Mary, it’s actually going to get worse before it gets better.  Those dark moments that you are going to experience are going to lead to some of the most amazing experiences you could never imagine.  You will get to see and do things only a handful of Americans will ever get to experience.  Don’t dwell in those dark moments press forward.

I know at this moment in your life you could care less about boys but in not too long from now you will have a crush on someone not worth your time.  Focus on God.  Learn. Study. Grow.

Develop your talents. Draw. Paint. Write.  TAKE ART!  Don’t be afraid of the teacher!  Everyone’s a critic.  Practice what you love. Your future husband (yep you are gonna get married) wants you to do what you love.  Don’t waste your time with TV or on the phone.  All of that stuff is in vain! Read the classics.   As an adult you will tackle a 900 page book that changed history…you will at that point regret not reading other such books.

Back to the topic of boys……don’t date!  Don’t waste your time!  God has someone just for you and it’s not gonna start the way all the others did.  You are going to be best friends first. And then one day it’s gonna hit you…HARD!  You won’t be able to imagine your life without him!  The two of you will have lots of fun.   You will see much of this country together!

You are going to have many ideals about life.  Having a husband. Having kids (yep that’s gonna happen too) being a Pastor’s wife ( i know that’s exactly what you didn’t want to hear)….listen to me now…THROW THEM ALL OUT THE WINDOW RIGHT NOW!   God’s gonna show you that not everything fits into a neat and tidy box that you can hold .  One of your children is going to re-aarange EVERYTHING. You thought you knew about parenting.  

Build your foundation now on God.  I know you are going to be frustrated with everyone telling you to do your devotions but not really telling you how.  Just read.  Start with Genesis and read…..and keep reading until the very last verse in revelation and then start all over again!

FOCUS

PRAY

FIGHT

STUDY

LEARN

LOVE 

FORGIVE

BE HAPPY

SMILE

friends come and go….but God remains by your side forever! Be comfortable with who you were created to be !

Love,

ME

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This week marks the start of the kids return back to their school year routine.  School starts in 2 1/2 weeks, and it’s going to be an interesting one.  First of all for the first time in 8 years I will only have one child home during the day.  All i will have home is my three year old.  Our 5 year old will be going to Kindergarden.  He will have a one on one aid due to his autism (This is a HUGE blessing) even though I still find myself apprehensive. Mostly due to fear….a fear of him trying to escape, a fear of him hiding….and a bunch of other things.   I have to trust God through all of this!   And then all of this in culminated in transferring all the kids to another Christian school in our area.  This was a long hard decision but one God has blessed immensely in.  We watched our kids literally come apart at the seams last year.  They weren’t looking forward to school this year but now that they like their change, they are SOOOO excited.

This was the conversation heard in the backseat as we left the new school last thursday

Tornado (8): i can’t wait for school to start!

Ladybug (7): i thought you hated school.

Tornado: NOT ANYMORE! (Yes he was yelling in excitement)

I nearly cried.  There was so much that went into this decision.  And I will not go into all of it.  I am just soo thankful I am seeing my children return to their joyful selves!

So in looking ahead to the new school year I am excited to 

*see my kids emerge successful instead of exhausted and overwhelmed.   

* setting a strong routine.  With having an autistic child at home 24/7 I never knew what  my day would entail.   He loves routine but as a pastors family plans change at a moments notice.  And let’s be honest a change in any routine of an autistic child is the absolute most devastating thing you could do to them!

*engaging in more ministry opportunities that were difficult with more kids at home.  And becoming more involved with a pastor’s and wives fellowship here in our area.

* consistency in bible study, housework, and so much more.

I want to end this by making this statement…i don’t want you to get the impression that  I am overly anxious to send my kids back to school.  This summer has been great.  We have had fun as a family, and I am sad to see it come to an end but I wish I could help you understand the excitement that exudes in our home.  And that is catchy!   I am excited for them.  I want them to love school.  I want them to be loved and succeed and most of all be the best Tornado, Ladybug, and weasel they can be!  And I fully believe that they will achieve that in this new place! And for that reason I am super excited for them!

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Oh my dear weary friends I sit here on my couch this evening wondering what exactly happened to our summer.  We went from end of the school year activities, to our towns big celebration (which entailed weeks worth of float work and culminated in a parade). Then we went right into VBS. work, took a break for a week while hubby and the whole family went to an area christian kids camp and hubby did 3 nature adventure hikes for four days (we had a blast and Tornado got to do his first sleep away camp experience), then we got back in time for VBS to start.   Oh what fun that was as we transformed our church into Athens Greece and we took on characters!  After that I jumped right into  working on my daughters 7th birthday present!  (It was a lot. Of sewing but about 90 percent of it was finished on her birthday). And then when her birthday was all said and done, i sat back and said…what now?

I have roughly 2 1/2 weeks of summer vacation left and we have some fun things planned, but when I look back at the beginning of June two things flood my heart.

#1- i failed-  i didn’t reach any of my goals for this summer.   Did I accomplish things, of course but it wasn’t what I wan’t to.

#2 my kids didn’t have the best summer I had planned to give them

Then I stop say….”Girl you know better!   It’s not about what you want.  It’s about what God wants.  And as for the kids, they had a blast!  Running through the woods, playing in the kiddie pool, staying up late, trying new foods, finding frogs and salamanders, finishing the fence and having safe play outside.  They know nothing about the best summer ever, that you had planned for them!  ”

This was something that I did to the best of my ability.

I lived the 1 Corinthians 10:31 principle of doing all to the glory of God….and I will continue to do so for the next two and a half weeks!

And what if you didn’t?

Each day is a new slate, a new beginning so make a choice, you can make two.

Make the choice to accept God’s plans over your own AND to do whatever it is God. Has planned to the best of your ability!

Does all of this mean we shouldn’t make plans, no, no it doesn’t.  It means that if God has something else in mind, roll with it.  Don’t complain.  Usually in those plan B moments God plans on ministering to us or through us which results inblessings either   way!

So yes our summer is almost over and no it didn’t go as I had planned it, but it was a good one nonetheless and I thank the Lord for that!

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