When I Picked the Word Confidence for 2017……

….I had no idea what was looming around each corner. CONFIDENCE. Confidence In God NOT myself!  I know I haven’t blogged about my word much, if at all.  Let’s be honest and right up front, I haven’t been blogging much at all..  I have been caught between crazy schedules and exhausted.    I had hoped to blog a lot on our two week vacation BUT that did not happen…I have less than 2 days left…..SIGH!  Oh well  but how do I move forward in the future?

CONFIDENCE

So back to Confidence.  My confidence has been tested and stretched SOOOOO many times over the last few years.  Confidence in my abilities, confidence in my faith in ministries (including blogging), ,confidence in God . For instance if when I started at the pregnancy  cente you would have told me that my role there would include people who had been in jail OR that I would be introduced to women who had been in human trafficking situations I would have told you NAH that’s not what I am called to do!  HAHHAHA I was so naive. And Naive is not a word I would use to define me…EVER! However just when I had thought I had heard it all a client made me cough coffee out my nose with one question…..(Yes Amy insert laughter)

The other thing, if you asked me if I would ever be involved in a conference planning ministry that  I am a part of the team I would have laughed and told you “not introverted me.”   Now I am in my second conference Planning session and I can’t imagine doing anything else.

And did I mention that I never thought I would be a pastor’s wife…ok so I didn’t want to be.  I wanted to be a missionary to a country that didn’t’t allow missionaries.  I wanted to be an inner city youth leader….Amongst some other things….Pastor’s wife was never on the list…EVER!!

Confidence or GOD-FIDENCE

My confidence was not there.  I need to have God-fidence as Renee Swope  calls it in her A Confident  Heart Bible Study.  and now I’m in yet another transition period….Another confidence area…A God-fidence area if you will….and it has to do with fear!    We have been listening to our friend Marc preach on it for the last week, and quite honestly it’s been hard.  Im not the same scared  young bride I was when I married my husband 14 years ago BUT there are certain things that grip my heart and mind tighter than anything else in this entire world.   It’s the area of people pleasing .  I worry about this ALL THE TIME. I obsess over this.   BUT there is a big problem about this…Worry means a mind divided!   I am torn between two masters….God who has called me to do this.  I have made a commitment to do this.  It is my  responsibility to use my gifts, to sharpen them, to hone them in, however I hide.  I hide this from social media.  I have not shared my blog on social media( as in my own personal wall) in  over two years, because I am AFRAID!  I worry about criticism, critique….people being angry with me .   and that leads me to my second master….Satan AND other people.  I am a person divided.

The Problem

The problem with all of this is Jesus himself promises struggles, that we will be persecuted that there will be problems . (John 16:33)  So I am trying to avoid and run away from the trouble that is promised. It’s what I do with that trouble. It’s not hiding from it, BUT it is taking it to God and allowing God to work it out.  It is having trust that HE will work through my words.  It is having confidence in Him…confidence to know what He wants me to write and share and when people aren’t pleased with me knowing that HE is because that is all that matters!

Instead I want a sound mind….a whole mind, a mind with one master, God.I want to serve Him and pleaseHim with all I say, do, and WRITE!  And that means if He has all of my mind then there is NO other room for anyone else.  This also means that I need to make sure that I keep my heart in check with God’s word because out of the condition of the heart Man speaks!! (But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. Matt. 15:18 NIV)

The end result

So here it is…

This blog will go back on my social media.

You are now free to share it.

  • I’m not living afraid I’m choosing freedom.
  • I’m choosing one master.
  • Im choosing to have a whole minded God-fidence.

Remember this is my story, a story that God is writing and I am sharing it to bring Him Glory, hopefully to bless others so look past you opinions and feelings and think on this that our friend Marc shared the other night,

Without Misery, there can be no Ministry

Yes it is going to look messy and yes we are going to get raw and we ARE going to talk about hard things, BUT if I don’t do this Im NOT in God’s Will.  He didn’t give me a story to hide it under a bushel….NO, THIS is my light and I’m going to let it shine!

 

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My Brain, My Filing Cabinet : Confidence Uncluttered

Confidence

This is my journey to finding my confidence.  I’m not sure I have  really experienced true confidence.  I can fake it well enough! Not the kind of confidence that I have in myself with, but the confidence I should have in my relationship with Christ!  This is a journey I am currently on.  I have not arrived, nor do I have complete understanding.  Will you join me on this journey and we will begin by unflattering confidence?

I have this filling cabinet, it sits in my living room.  It looks all nice and neat around it.   BUT I almost never open it.  Do you know why?   BECAUSE I knew what the inside looked like!  It looked like two years of paperwork crammed inside of it.   It was overwhelming to even consider the amount of work it would take to get back into it and make it use-able again.   It haunted me …it called to me from deep within me. There was no more room in it so the papers that were most recent were siting in mostly neat stacks…on the piano, on the couch, on my desk…and on the floor.  That is until last week.  And as I sat for HOURS every day,Sorting, and tossing, a thought crossed my mind….

The thought was this

This filing cabinet is really as my mind and heart have become over the last two years as I stuffed emotions, and  thoughts and…well anything else you shove into every crevice of our hearts and minds saying, “I will deal with this tomorrow or not this week I’m just too busy! ” It’s not a matter of it being to busy, it really is a matter of being too uncomfortable.    It’s too painful to deal with the hard places so we stuff it.  Just like my filing cabinet, I stuffed so much stuff into it that it started overflowing other areas. And that is what happens with our hearts and minds, stuffing things leads to negative overflow in the rest of our lives….It can lead to angry outbursts or even negative health effects llike high blood pressure and physical illness.

as I prayed the beginning of this year for God to show me my word for the year I asked Him for it to be one that would change my life, change me for the better and that at the end of the year I would be closer to Him than ever before. About a week after praying for that, the word CONFIDENT came to mind.   All the other years words were already set in my mind in November BUT this year it wasn’t until the second week of January.  I felt lost. I felt as though I no longer knew who I was…at all.  I felt as though I had to be all things to all people and I just could not do that anymore.  I was at a crossroads with a slippery slope straight ahead of me .    So as soon as I got my word I was off digging in scripture.  It took me two days searching God’s Word looking up verses and cross referencing them.  I went deep and I continue to do so.     My verses for the year to go along with my word landed me in the book of Jeremiah.  Here is what it says:

Jeremiah 17:7-8

But Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

But my study hasn’t ended there.  God directed me to various books.   Stripping away the years of clutter that had accumulated in my mind and heart muddying the waters of understanding as to who I was in Christ and who he created me to be.  I had lost my creativity.  I had lost my passions to pursue things that I loved.  I have asked God to reteach me , to show me who I really am  in Him,  And  to show me who He created me to be. I’m learning a lot and I have found a new sense of peace.

Am I there yet?  BY NO MEANS!   But where I am at this moment in time is knowing that I AM HIS.  My circumstances do not define me…HE DOES! And that is exactly where he wants me to be at this moment.

As for my filing cabinet, it is organized and back to working order!

How about you?  What is your word for the year?  Do you have some heart and mind clutter that needs to be stripped away?  And if so, have you taken that to God and given it to Him?  If not I challenge you to do so TODAY!

Next week We will discuss what the difference is between Confidence and “Godfidence”